Underground...

The Loony Bin ( loonies@bloodaxe.com )
Sat, 08 Mar 03 22:24:12 -0000


Hiya People...

In Paris the underground railway is called the Metro, and in New York
they call it the Subway, while in London it's the Underground or Tube
and it has a character all its own...

Wishes & Dreams...

- ANDREA
        xx

******* THE LOONY BIN **** loonies@bloodaxe.com *******

         Archive: http://www.theloonies.co.uk/

*********** ANDROMEDA **** Internet Goddess ***********

  ------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------


The following announcements were all heard and reported by visitors to
the "Going Underground" website.

Heard at Earl's Court:

  "The train at platform three is not going to Parsons Green but to 
  Richmond. The train approaching platform two is also not going to 
  Parsons Green but to Ealing Broadway. These trains are not going to
  Parsons Green despite what the signal men think.

On the Northern Line:

  "Beggars are operating on this train, please do NOT encourage these 
  professional beggars. If you have any spare change, please give it to 
  a registered charity, failing that, give it to me."

On the Piccadilly Line:

  "To the gentleman wearing the long grey coat trying to get on the 
  second carriage, what part of 'stand clear of the doors' don't you 
  understand?"

At Leyton station (where a train was stationary despite a green light):

  "Sorry for the delay ladies and gentlemen but there is a queue of 
  trains ahead of us so I have decided to wait here, because I'm sure 
  you don't want to sit in a tunnel getting hot and sweaty"

On the Central line:

  "Next time, you might find it easier to wait until the doors are open 
  before trying to get on the train"

At King's Cross:

  "This train is completely broken, it isn't going anywhere"

On the Victoria line:

  "This is Brixton, err, no, it's Victoria!"

  "This is like that TV advert, I hope the person next to you is wearing 
  a good deodorant!"

  "Have a very relaxing weekend. Hope to see you all again Monday 
  morning!"

At Camden Town station (on a crowded Saturday afternoon):

  "Please let the passengers off the train first... 
  Please let the passengers off the train first...
  Please let the passengers off the train first...
  Let the passengers off the train FIRST!...
  Oh go on then, stuff yourselves in like sardines, see if I care, I'm 
  going home."

At Moorgate (after a 20-minute delay):

  "I apologise for the delay but the computer controlling the signalling 
  at Aldgate and Whitechapel has the Monday Morning Blues"

At West Hampstead:

  "We can't move off because some c*** has their f***ing hand stuck in 
  the door"

At Mill Hill East:

  "Hello this is xxx speaking, I am the captain of your train, and we 
  will be departing shortly, we will be cruising at an altitude of 
  approximately zero feet, and our scheduled arrival time in Morden is 
  3:15pm. The temperature in Morden is approximately 15 degrees celsius, 
  and Morden is in the same time zone as Mill Hill east, so there's no 
  need to adjust your watches."

On a delayed train at Epping (when the driver had a chat with a
colleague unaware that he'd left the tannoy on):

  "...bollocks to the lot of them, I don't care if they don't make it to 
  work."


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