Speaking English is fun...

The Loony Bin ( loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk )
Thu, 9 May 1996 05:33:44 +0100

Hiya People...

These are simply irresistable...

Wishes & Dreams...

***                                               ***
***                THE LOONY BIN                  ***
***          loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk         ***
***                                               ***
******************Internet Goddess*******************

  ------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------

English broken here

A collection of signs and notices written in English that were
discovered throughout the world...

In a Bucharest hotel lobby:

The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret
that you will be unbearable.


In a Belgrade hotel elevator:

To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should
enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor.
Driving is then going alphabetically by national order.


In a Paris hotel elevator:

Please leave your values at the front desk.


In a hotel in Athens:

Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9
and 11 a.m. daily.


In a Yugoslavian hotel:

The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.


In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery:

You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet
composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday.


In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers:

Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of


On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:

Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.


On the menu of a Polish hotel:

Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in
the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in
the country people's fashion.


Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop:

Ladies may have a fit upstairs.


In a Bangkok dry cleaner's:

Drop your trousers here for best results.


Outside a Paris dress shop:

Dresses for street walking.


In a Rhodes tailor shop:

Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers
in strict rotation.


A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest:

It is strictly forbidden on our black forest camping site that people of
different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent
unless they are married with each other for that purpose.


In a Zurich hotel:

Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in
the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.


In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist:

Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists.


In a Rome laundry:

Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good


In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency:

Take one of our horse-driven city tours--we guarantee no miscarriages.


Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand:

Would you like to ride on your own ass?


In a Swiss mountain inn:

Special today--no ice cream.


In a Tokyo bar:

Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.


In a Copenhagen airline ticket office:

We take your bags and send them in all directions.


On the door of a Moscow hotel room:

If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it.


In a Norwegian cocktail lounge:

Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.


In a Budapest zoo:

Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it
to the guard on duty.


In the office of a Roman doctor:

Specialist in women and other diseases.


In an Acapulco hotel:

The manager has personally passed all the water served here.


In a Tokyo shop:

Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find they are best in the
long run.


>From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner:

Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of warm in your room,
please control yourself.


>From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo:

When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him
melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle
him with vigor.


Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance:

* English well talking.

* Here speeching American.


>From The Octopus(October 1995).