The Loony Bin
(
loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk
)
Wed, 30 Jul 1997 18:38:09 +0100
Hiya Folks... These are the Boss's basic rules... Wishes & Dreams... - ANDREA xx ***<andrea@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk>****<ajc6@ukc.ac.uk>*** ***<bloodaxe@geocities.com>***<bloodaxe@bigfoot.com>*** *** *** *** THE LOONY BIN *** *** loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk *** *** Archive: http://eleceng.ukc.ac.uk/~pjw/loonies/ *** *** *** *******************Internet Goddess******************** **********************ANDROMEDA************************ ------- Forwarded foolishness follows ------- Rule 1: The Boss is always right! Rule 2: In the impossible hypothesis that a subordinate may be right, Rule 1 becomes immediately operative. Rule 3: The boss does not sleep; he rests. Rule 4: The Boss is never late; he is delayed elsewhere. Rule 5: The Boss never leaves his work; his attention is required elsewhere. Rule 6: The Boss never reads the paper in his office; he studies. Rule 7: The Boss never takes liberties with his secretary; he educates her. Rule 8: The Boss is always chief, even in his bathing togs. Rule 9: Whomsoever may enter the boss's office with an idea of his own must leave the office with the boss's ideas. Rule 10: If, in your lamentable ignorance, you fail to grasp the truth, fear not; return to rule 1. =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= WHEN BOSSES ACT OUT 1. Circling The Block At my office, only managers have keys to the building. Recently, the computer system crashed and some of my files were lost. I told my Boss that I would need to work late for a few nights and would, therefore, need a key to the building to lock up when I went home. The next day, my Boss gave me a key, but told me I couldn't let any of the other managers know about it. He said if I wanted to work late, I would have to leave the building at 5:00 with the rest of the staff, then drive around for a while until all the managers had gone home. Only then could I use the key to go back in and get my work done. 2. I Caught Every Word My Boss stressed the importance of listening carefully: "I don't care what you do. Take notes if you have to, but catch what I say," he said. I made a habit of carrying a clipboard. Then I bought a mini-cassette recorder just to be sure. Months later, the Boss calls me into his office. He tells me to close the door. In all seriousness he tells me: "I appreciate that you're trying so hard to take notes, but you're not sincere. You're only doing it to please me." 3. A Bump On The Head My Boss and I were in an automobile accident. My Boss was not wearing his seat belt and consequently he hit his head on the dashboard. When my mother came to get me, we offered my Boss a ride to his car. On his way home his head began to hurt so he went to the hospital emergency room. He approached the nurse and told her he had been in an automobile accident where he had hit his head. As a result, he said, his vision was blurred and he was sure he had a concussion. The nurse looked at him and said, "Sir, do you realize the lenses are missing from your glasses?" My Boss left the hospital, free of injury but not embarrassment. 4. ALOHA My husband got a job before Christmas with a large national retail store. We attended their semiformal management Christmas party. After dinner the vice president stood up to give away some door prizes. He announced that the first prize was a trip to Hawaii. When my husband's name was called we shrieked with excitement. When we went to collect our prize, the vice president sheepishly handed us a brass horse candleholder. He said he expected everyone present to know that the company could not possibly afford such lavish gifts since we did not have a profitable year. We check the mail daily, hoping he'll at least send us a postcard. 5. A Fresh Start My Boss recently "downsized" the corporation. A number of individuals From different departments were selected for layoff, including one young man who was planning to get married the day after the layoff. When questioned about the compassion and timing of this layoff, my Boss replied that it was actually kinder to do it this way. He said, "The young man is preparing for a new life and now he has several dimensions to his new beginning." 6. You Ruined My Plans I worked for a telecommunications company. When I told my Boss I was pregnant, she slammed her pen down on the desk. She said, "That's great, just great. That really screws up the department workload for the coming fiscal year." >From that day on, my Boss made every workday miserable for me. She criticized my work in front of my coworkers, increased my workload, and gave me impossible deadlines. Once she made me go out to the parking lot and re-park my car, claiming I had parked "crooked." By the time I left on maternity leave I was physically ill from stress. While I was home, she called several times during my leave demanding to know when I'd be back. Its not that she missed me, she just wanted to lay me off.