Boss's Rules...

The Loony Bin ( loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk )
Wed, 30 Jul 1997 18:38:09 +0100


Hiya Folks...

These are the Boss's basic rules...

Wishes & Dreams...

- ANDREA
        xx

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  ------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------


Rule 1:  The Boss is always right!

Rule 2:  In the impossible hypothesis that a subordinate may be right, 
         Rule 1 becomes immediately operative.

Rule 3:  The boss does not sleep; he rests.

Rule 4:  The Boss is never late; he is delayed elsewhere.

Rule 5:  The Boss never leaves his work; his attention is required
         elsewhere.

Rule 6:  The Boss never reads the paper in his office; he studies.

Rule 7:  The Boss never takes liberties with his secretary; he
         educates her.

Rule 8:  The Boss is always chief, even in his bathing togs.

Rule 9:  Whomsoever may enter the boss's office with an idea of his
         own must leave the office with the boss's ideas.

Rule 10: If, in your lamentable ignorance, you fail to grasp the
         truth, fear not; return to rule 1.

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

WHEN BOSSES ACT OUT

1. Circling The Block

At my office, only managers have keys to the building.  Recently,
the computer system crashed and some of my files were lost.  I told
my Boss that I would need to work late for a few nights and would,
therefore, need a key to the building to lock up when I went home.

The next day, my Boss gave me a key, but told me I couldn't let any
of the other managers know about it.  He said if I wanted to work
late, I would have to leave the building at 5:00 with the rest of
the staff, then drive around for a while until all the managers had
gone home. Only then could I use the key to go back in and get my
work done.


2. I Caught Every Word

My Boss stressed the importance of listening carefully:  "I don't
care what you do.  Take notes if you have to, but catch what I say,"
he said.  I made a habit of carrying a clipboard.  Then I bought a
mini-cassette recorder just to be sure.  Months later, the Boss
calls me into his office.  He tells me to close the door.  In all
seriousness he tells me:  "I appreciate that you're trying so hard to
take notes, but you're not sincere.  You're only doing it to please
me."


3. A Bump On The Head

My Boss and I were in an automobile accident.  My Boss was not
wearing his seat belt and consequently he hit his head on the
dashboard.

When my mother came to get me, we offered my Boss a ride to his car.
On his way home his head began to hurt so he went to the hospital
emergency room.  He approached the nurse and told her he had been in
an automobile accident where he had hit his head.  As a result, he
said, his vision was blurred and he was sure he had a concussion. 
The nurse looked at him and said, "Sir, do you realize the lenses are
missing from your glasses?"  My Boss left the hospital, free of
injury but not embarrassment.


4. ALOHA

My husband got a job before Christmas with a large national retail
store.  We attended their semiformal management Christmas party.

After dinner the vice president stood up to give away some door
prizes. He announced that the first prize was a trip to Hawaii. 
When my husband's name was called we shrieked with excitement.  When
we went to collect our prize, the vice president sheepishly handed us
a brass horse candleholder.  He said he expected everyone present to
know that the company could not possibly afford such lavish gifts
since we did not have a profitable year.

We check the mail daily, hoping he'll at least send us a postcard.


5. A Fresh Start

My Boss recently "downsized" the corporation.  A number of
individuals From different departments were selected for layoff,
including one young man who was planning to get married the day after
the layoff.

When questioned about the compassion and timing of this layoff, my
Boss replied that it was actually kinder to do it this way.  He said,
"The young man is preparing for a new life and now he has several
dimensions to his new beginning."


6. You Ruined My Plans

I worked for a telecommunications company.  When I told my Boss I
was pregnant, she slammed her pen down on the desk.  She said,
"That's great, just great.  That really screws up the department
workload for the coming fiscal year."

>From that day on, my Boss made every workday miserable for me.  She
criticized my work in front of my coworkers, increased my workload,
and gave me impossible deadlines.  Once she made me go out to the
parking lot and re-park my car, claiming I had parked "crooked."  By
the time I left on maternity leave I was physically ill from stress.

While I was home, she called several times during my leave demanding
to know when I'd be back.  Its not that she missed me, she just
wanted to lay me off.