The Loony Bin
(
loonies@bloodaxe.com
)
Sun, 05 Jan 03 03:09:20 -0000
Hiya Folks...
While many of us are fond of nice fresh bread, it might be better to
avoid it...
Wishes & Dreams...
- ANDREA
xx
******* THE LOONY BIN **** loonies@bloodaxe.com *******
Archive: http://www.theloonies.co.uk/
*********** ANDROMEDA **** Internet Goddess ***********
------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------
!!! BREAD IS DANGEROUS !!!
------------------------------
I've done a little research, and what I've discovered should make anyone
think twice...
1. More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread users.
2. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming
households score below average on standardized tests.
3. In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the
home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant
mortality rates were unacceptably high; many women died in
childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever, and
influenza ravaged whole nations.
4. More than 90 percent of violent crimes are committed within 24
hours of eating bread.
5. Bread is made from a substance called "dough." It has been proven
that as little as one pound of dough can be used to suffocate a
mouse. The average American eats more bread than that in one month!
6. Primitive tribal societies that have no bread exhibit a low
incidence of cancer, Alzheimer's, Parkinson's disease, and
osteoporosis.
7. Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread
and given only water to eat begged for bread after as little as two
days.
8. Bread is often a "gateway" food item, leading the user to "harder"
items such as butter, jelly, peanut butter, and even cold cuts.
9. Bread has been proven to absorb water. Since the human body is more
than 90 percent water, it follows that eating bread could lead to
your body being taken over by this absorptive food product, turning
you into a soggy, gooey bread-pudding person.
10. New-born babies can choke on bread.
11. Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 400 degrees Fahrenheit!
That kind of heat can kill an adult in less than one minute.
12. Most American bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish
between significant scientific fact and meaningless statistical
babbling.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In light of these frightening statistics, we propose the following bread
restrictions:
1. No sale of bread to minors.
2. A nation-wide "Just Say No To Toast" campaign, complete with
celebrity TV spots and bumper stickers.
3. A 300 percent federal tax on all bread to pay for all the societal
ills we might associate with bread.
4. No animal or human images, nor any primary colors (which may appeal
to children) may be used to promote bread usage.
5. The establishment of "Bread-free" zones around schools.
Please send this e-mail on to everyone you know who cares about this
crucial issue.
Remember: Think idiotically, act globally!
Please include this information if you forward this joke:
*******************************************************
This joke and others like it, can be found in:
The Loony Bin
http://www.theloonies.co.uk/
*******************************************************
To UNSUBSCRIBE or SUBSCRIBE email: loonies@bloodaxe.com
Subject: 'unsubscribe' or 'subscribe'