The Loony Bin
(
loonies@bloodaxe.com
)
Thu, 28 Mar 02 01:53:33 -0000
Hiya Folks...
Some allegedly true stories from Len...it's adult material with the
added 'Eeuuugghh' factor, and so should be avoided by children, the
easily offended, the squeamish and anyone eating lunch...
You have been warned...
Wishes & Dreams...
- ANDREA
xx
*********THE LOONY BIN****loonies@bloodaxe.com*********
Archive: http://www.theloonies.co.uk/
************ANDROMEDA******Internet Goddess************
------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------
Strange but true stories emphasising the importance of food hygiene.
1) A woman had been absent from college for a number of weeks. When she
returned one of her close friends was curious as to why she had been
sick for so long. The following story emerged.
The woman and her boyfriend enjoyed involving food in their foreplay,
mars bars, cream, syrup, gravy, peanut butter, you name it. One day the
boyfriend, before going to work, made his sandwiches for the day tuna
mayonnaise leaving the leftover tuna Mayo lying out on the kitchen top.
He went to work, came home, had dinner and relaxes in for a night in
with his girlfriend. Time passes and the pair of them get in the mood
and start "doing the do". The boyfriend leaps up, after yodelling in the
canyon for a while, and remembers the tuna Mayo. He gets the tuna Mayo
off the kitchen table begins to slap it all over his girlfriend's body
(applying voluminous amounts to her vaginal area and starts to lick it
off).
Two days later after their night of tuna Mayo lust has passed, the
couple start to feel very ill. The boyfriend first, he seems to be
unable to stop vomiting, and the girlfriend later who keeps on getting
severe stomach cramps. The boyfriend puts this down to eating the tuna
Mayo that had been lying out uncovered all day, and sure enough his
jippy belly soon eases off after a day or so. His girlfriend, however,
continues to feel ill, her pain worsening and her abdominal area
becoming increasingly sore and tender.
This goes on for a few more days until the girlfriend can't even get out
of her bed for the pain in her crotch and abdominal area. So her
boyfriend takes her to the doctor, who recommends she sees a
gynaecologist. Thinking she may have cervical cancer, the gynaecologist
checks her out and to his horror discovers far inside the woman's vagina
is a swarm of maggots that have been eating into her upper vaginal
cavity. Apparently what happened was the tuna Mayo, after being left
uncovered in the sun, attracted a number of flies, who naturally laid
their eggs, which the boyfriend ate and the girlfriend "incubated"!
2) This woman went through the drive-thru of Burger King for lunch a
couple of years ago. She ordered a chicken sandwich (the breaded kind...
before spicy chicken or grilled chicken became big sellers for BK) and
specifically requested NO MAYO because she couldn't stand the stuff.
She drove away without confirming that she got what she ordered. As she
drove, she began to eat the sandwich and realised that there was mayo on
it. She was none too pleased but was so hungry that she ate it anyway.
When she got about halfway through the sandwich, she began to feel very
ill. She stopped eating the sandwich but felt increasingly worse as she
continued to drive. She felt so bad that she drove herself to the
hospital emergency room. She took her sandwich with her since she
started feeling bad after eating the sandwich.
The hospital performed tests on both her and the sandwich and found out
the following... the sandwich actually didn't have any mayo on it. In
reality, the chicken had a tumour on its breast. When the chicken was
breaded and fried, the tumour burst inside the breaded chicken breast.
The mayo-like substance was actually pus from the tumour. Kind of makes
you want to swear off fast food and mayo, doesn't it!
3) This girl was really in a hurry one day so she just stopped off at a
Taco Bell and got a Chicken soft taco and ate it on the way home. That
night she noticed her jaw was kind of tight and swollen.
The next day it was a little worse so she went to her doctor. He said
she was just having an allergic reaction to something and gave her some
cream to rub on her jaw to help. After a couple of days the swelling had
just gotten worse and she could hardly move her jaw. She went back to
her doctor to see what was wrong. Her doctor had no idea so he started
to run some tests. They scrubbed out the inside of her mouth to get
tissue samples and they also took some saliva samples.
Well, they found out what was wrong. Apparently her chicken soft taco
had a pregnant cockroach in the one she ate! The eggs then somehow got
into her saliva glands and she was incubating them. They had to remove a
couple of layers of her inner mouth to get all the eggs out. If they
hadn't figured out what was going on, the eggs would have hatched inside
the lining of her mouth!
Have a nice day.
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