The Loony Bin
(
andrea@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk
)
10 Mar 1998 04:34:17 -0000
This Message Is Sponsored By:
ListBot
Get a free mailing list for your web site!
Visit http://www.listbot.com/ today.
Hiya Folks...
Regular Loonies have grown used to the ridiculous situations
that computer helpdesk people have to deal with...now lets
imagine the concept being extended to other areas of life...
Wishes & Dreams...
- ANDREA
xx
*******************************************************
*******************************************************
*** ***
*** THE LOONY BIN ***
*** loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk ***
*** Archive: http://eleceng.ukc.ac.uk/~pjw/loonies/ ***
*** ***
*******************Internet Goddess********************
**********************ANDROMEDA************************
------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------
GENERAL MOTORS HELPLINE
HelpLine: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"
Customer: "I got in my car and closed the door and nothing
happened!"
HelpLine: "Did you put the key in the ignition slot and turn
it?"
Customer: "What's an ignition?"
HelpLine: "It's a starter motor that draws current from your
battery and turns over the engine."
Customer: "Ignition? Motor? Battery? Engine? How come I have
to know all these technical terms just to use my car?"
HelpLine: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"
Customer: "My car ran fine for a week and now it won't go
anywhere!"
HelpLine: "Is the gas tank empty?"
Customer: "Huh? How do I know?"
HelpLine: "There's a little gauge on the front panel with a
needle and markings from 'E' to 'F'. Where is the
needle pointing?"
Customer: "It's pointing to 'E'. What does that mean?"
HelpLine: "It means you have to visit a gasoline vendor and
purchase some more gasoline. You can install it
yourself or pay the vendor to install it for you."
Customer: "What? I paid $12,000 for this car! Now you tell me
that I have to keep buying more components? I want a
car that comes with everything built in!"
HelpLine: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"
Customer: "Your cars suck!"
HelpLine: "What's wrong?"
Customer: "It crashed, that's what wrong!"
HelpLine: "What were you doing?"
Customer: "I wanted to run faster, so I pushed the accelerator
pedal all the way to the floor. It worked for a while
and then it crashed and it won't start now!
HelpLine: "It's your responsibility if you misuse the product.
What do you expect us to do about it?"
Customer: "I want you to send me one of the latest version that
doesn't crash any more!"
HelpLine: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"
Customer: "Hi, I just bought my first car, and I chose your car
because it has automatic transmission, cruise
control, power steering, power brakes, and power door
locks."
HelpLine: "Thanks for buying our car. How can I help you?"
Customer: "How do I work it?"
HelpLine: "Do you know how to drive?"
Customer: "Do I know how to what?"
HelpLine: "Do you know how to drive?"
Customer: "I'm not a technical person. I just want to go places
in my car!"
-----------------------------------------------------------------
This message was sent via ListBot. To remove yourself
from this list, please visit http://www.listbot.com/remove.html
-----------------------------------------------------------------