GM Helpline...

The Loony Bin ( andrea@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk )
10 Mar 1998 04:34:17 -0000


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Hiya Folks...

Regular Loonies have grown used to the ridiculous situations
that computer helpdesk people have to deal with...now lets
imagine the concept being extended to other areas of life...

Wishes & Dreams...

- ANDREA
	xx

*******************************************************
*******************************************************
***                                                 ***
***                 THE LOONY BIN                   ***
***           loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk          ***
*** Archive: http://eleceng.ukc.ac.uk/~pjw/loonies/ ***
***                                                 ***
*******************Internet Goddess********************
**********************ANDROMEDA************************

  ------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------

                   GENERAL MOTORS HELPLINE

HelpLine: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"
Customer: "I got in my car and closed the door and nothing 
	  happened!"
HelpLine: "Did you put the key in the ignition slot and turn 
	  it?"
Customer: "What's an ignition?"
HelpLine: "It's a starter motor that draws current from your 
	  battery and turns over the engine."
Customer: "Ignition?  Motor?  Battery?  Engine?  How come I have 
	  to know all these technical terms just to use my car?"


HelpLine: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"
Customer: "My car ran fine for a week and now it won't go 
	  anywhere!"
HelpLine: "Is the gas tank empty?"
Customer: "Huh?  How do I know?"
HelpLine: "There's a little gauge on the front panel with a 
	  needle and markings from 'E' to 'F'.  Where is the 
	  needle pointing?"
Customer: "It's pointing to 'E'.  What does that mean?"
HelpLine: "It means you have to visit a gasoline vendor and 
	  purchase some more gasoline.  You can install it 
	  yourself or pay the vendor to install it for you."
Customer: "What?  I paid $12,000 for this car!  Now you tell me 
	  that I have to keep buying more components?  I want a 
	  car that comes with everything built in!"


HelpLine: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"
Customer: "Your cars suck!"
HelpLine: "What's wrong?"
Customer: "It crashed, that's what wrong!"
HelpLine: "What were you doing?"
Customer: "I wanted to run faster, so I pushed the accelerator 
	  pedal all the way to the floor.  It worked for a while 
	  and then it crashed and it won't start now!
HelpLine: "It's your responsibility if you misuse the product.  
	  What do you expect us to do about it?"
Customer: "I want you to send me one of the latest version that
          doesn't crash any more!"


HelpLine: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"
Customer: "Hi, I just bought my first car, and I chose your car
           because it has automatic transmission, cruise 
	   control, power steering, power brakes, and power door 
	   locks."
HelpLine: "Thanks for buying our car.  How can I help you?"
Customer: "How do I work it?"
HelpLine: "Do you know how to drive?"
Customer: "Do I know how to what?"
HelpLine: "Do you know how to drive?"
Customer: "I'm not a technical person.  I just want to go places 
	  in my car!"

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