Children...

The Loony Bin ( loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk )
Thu, 22 May 1997 00:18:16 +0100


Hiya People...

Here are some things which you might learn from your children...

Wishes & Dreams...

- ANDREA
        xx

***<andrea@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk>****<ajc6@ukc.ac.uk>***
***<bloodaxe@geocities.com>***<bloodaxe@bigfoot.com>***
***                                                 ***
***                 THE LOONY BIN                   ***
***           loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk          ***
*** Archive: http://eleceng.ukc.ac.uk/~pjw/loonies/ ***
***                                                 ***
*******************Internet Goddess********************
**********************ANDROMEDA************************

  ------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------


There is no such thing as childproofing your house.

If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller
blades, they can ignite.

A 4 year-old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan the motor is not strong
enough to rotate a 42-pound boy wearing pound puppy underwear and a
Superman cape.

It is strong enough, however, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20'
x 20' room.

Baseballs make marks on ceilings.

You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on.

When using the ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few
times before you get a hit.

A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

The glass in windows (even double pane) does not stop a baseball hit by
a ceiling fan.

When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh-oh", it's already too
late.

Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

A six-year-old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year-
old man says they can only do it in the movies.

A magnifying glass can start a fire even on an overcast day.

If you use a waterbed as home plate while wearing baseball shoes, it
does not leak -- it explodes.

A king-size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4
inches deep.

Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a four year old....

Duplos will not.

Play-Doh and microwave should never be used in the same sentence.

Super glue is forever.

McGuyver can teach us many things we don't want to know....

Ditto Tarzan.

No matter how much Jell-O/jelly you put in a swimming pool you still
can't walk on water....

Pool filters do not like Jell-O/jelly.

VCRs do not eject peanut butter sandwiches even though TV commercials
show they do.

Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

You probably do not want to know what that odour is.

Always look in the oven before you turn it on....

Plastic toys do not like ovens.

The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earth worms dizzy.

It will, however, make cats dizzy.

Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

Quiet does not necessarily mean don't worry.

A good sense of humor will get you through most problems in life
(unfortunately, mostly in retrospect).

Sometimes, when you look around everything seems still and calm on the
surface. And then you detect a little disturbance. And you know for
sure that underneath the surface lies some other secret world.