The Loony Bin
(
loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk
)
Wed, 1 Jan 1997 20:16:16 +0000
Hiya All... Here's some more computer silliness for you... Wishes & Dreams... - ANDREA xx ***<andrea@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk>****<ajc6@ukc.ac.uk>*** ***<bloodaxe@geocities.com>***<bloodaxe@bigfoot.com>*** *** *** *** THE LOONY BIN *** *** loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk *** *** Archive: http://eleceng.ukc.ac.uk/~pjw/loonies/ *** *** *** *******************Internet Goddess******************** **********************ANDROMEDA************************ ------- Forwarded foolishness follows ------- OLD COMPUTERS Two of my housemates recently picked up an old 8088 for free. The first, Joe, was overjoyed because, well, it was free and free stuff is good, and it's a computer and computers are good. Chris wasn't so sure. J: Once we get a new video card and a new hard drive in this, it'll run like new. C: So? It's an 8088. What the hell can you do with an 8088? J: Come on. Think of all the stuff they did with computers built thirty years ago. C: Okay, you can get to the moon. What else? =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= ERROR-CONDITIONED The day before our office's new computer was to arrive, we got a call: the machine wouldn't be ready until the following week. Delays continued. Finally, more than a month later a computer arrived -- the wrong model Office management, however, decided to accept it. Weeks later, a package came with a letter from the computer dealer, apologizing for the inconvenience. To show that they valued our business, they asked us to accept the enclosed VCR. It was a CD player. =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= VIRGIN COMPUTER How can you tell if your PC is still a virgin? The HIGHMEM is still intact. =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= IF COMPUTERS HAD PERSONALITIES... (User-Friendly) C:\> DUR Command not found. Try retyping (User-Helpful) C:\> DUR I don't understand DUR. Do you mean DIR? (User-Patronizing) C:\> DUR Now, that's not quite right is it? Let's try again; this time, use the manual that the nice salesperson gave you when you bought me. (User-Obsequious) C:\> DUR I'm so very, very sorry but I don't understand that. I'm sure it was my fault, but if you would please try again I'll do my best. (User-Analytical) C:\> DUR What makes you say that? C:\> A TYPING MISTAKE How long have you been making these mistakes? C:\> OH, BANANAS Do you like bananas? C:\> I LOVE THEM Why do you bring up the subject of love? (User-McDonald's) May I help you please? C:\> DUR I'm sorry but that command is not available at this time. Have a nice day. C:\> DIR Will that be an MS-DOS directory? C:\> YES To read here, or for printout to take away? C:\> HERE Thank you. Have a nice day. (User-Megalomaniac) C:\> DUR Don't bother me with trivial requests -- I'm busy. (User-Hostile) C:\> DUR Ha! A mistake! I'm sure you meant to say FORMAT, so that's what I'll do. (User-Sarcastic) C:\> DUR Well, Look who's made a mistake then. Very unusual, I don't think. (User-Insulting) C:\> DUR You Idiot C:\> DIR You Idiot (User-Smug) C:\> DUR No C:\> DOR Nope C:\> HELP No C:\> PLEASE Not unless you give me a 300Mb hard disk to live on. C:\> JERK Abuse will get you nowhere