The Loony Bin
(
loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk
)
Sun, 24 Nov 1996 18:01:51 +0000
Hiya Loonies...
Here's how men choose a urinal...
Wishes & Dreams...
- ANDREA
xx
*************<andrea@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk>*************
*****<ajc6@ukc.ac.uk>*****<bloodaxe@geocities.com>*****
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*******************Internet Goddess********************
**********************ANDROMEDA************************
------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------
(by Dave Barry)
Take the first annual, Choose-A-Urinal Challenge!
Men should ace this test (or suffer the wrath of men everywhere)...women
are on their own. But, there IS a code of the restroom that MUST be
followed.
The following is the urinal configuration in a sample men's room.
An X above the number will indicate "in use."
(Sample)
| | | x | | | x | indicates men are at stalls 3
| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | and 6.
-------------------------
You are to identify correctly, based on urinal etiquette, at which stall
you are to correctly stand. Good luck!
--------------------
Easy Section
--------------------
1) | | x | | x | | | (Stalls 2 and 4 occupied.)
| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 |
-------------------------
Your choice: __ (don't page down until you've chosen!)
1 (easy). 6 It's the ONLY one to go to and every guy
instinctively knows this.
2) | x | | | | | | (1 occupied.)
| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 |
-------------------------
Your choice: __ (don't page down until you've chosen!)
2 (easy). 6 Stall 5 is acceptable, but you run a
greater risk of being next to someone
who arrives later.
-------------------------
Kind of Tricky Section
-------------------------
3) | | | | | | | (empty)
| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 |
--------------------------
Your choice: __ (don't page down until you've chosen!)
3 (kind of tricky). 1 or 6 You are tacitly saying, "I
don't want anyone next to me."
4) | | x | | x | | x | (2, 4 and 6 occupied)
| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 |
-------------------------
Your choice: ___ (don't page down until you've chosen!)
4 (kind of tricky). 1 You're stuck being next to at
least ONE guy, so you minimize the
impact and get a wall on your left.
NEVER go between TWO guys if you
can help it.
---------------------------------------------
Subtle, Tricky, But Important To Know Section
---------------------------------------------
5) | | x | | | x | x | (2, 5 and 6 occupied)
| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 |
-------------------------
Your choice: __ (don't page down until you've chosen!)
5 (HARD!). 4 Believe it or not, 1 and 3 "couple"
you with the guy in stall 2.
This differs from question 4 in such a
subtle way that the nuances cannot be
explained. Suffice to say, only we men
would understand!
-----------------------------
VERY Tricky Indeed Section
-----------------------------
6) | x | x | | | x | x | (1, 2, 5 and 6 occupied)
| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 |
-------------------------
Your choice: ___ (don't page down until you've chosen!)
6 (DAMN HARD!). NONE! You go to the mirror and pretend to
comb your hair or straighten a tie until the
urinals "open up" a bit more. If you have to
go REAL, REAL BAD...for god's sake,
man!...use a doored stall.
Other parts of the Unwritten Code of the Urinals:
-- NO Talking, unless it's a good friend... but even then, keep
it terse and unemotional. This ain't no clubhouse.
-- Absolutely NO touching of anyone else. Even the slightest touch
of another's elbow is of the highest offense.
-- NO Singing. Period.
-- Glances are for purposes of acknowledgment only..."Yeah, I see
you there. I will not look again."