The Loony Bin
(
loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk
)
Wed, 19 Jun 1996 04:40:54 +0100
Hiya Folks...
Here is a Muppet News Flash...does anyone remember the the little jingle
that started the Muppet News...???
Wishes & Dreams...
- ANDREA
xx
************<andrea@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk>************
******************<ajc6@ukc.ac.uk>*******************
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*********************ANDROMEDA***********************
------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------
This humour is brought to you today by the letter Z.
IMPORTANT BREAKING SESAME STREET NEWS!
AP Online
AP 10/01 2:55 EDT V055
Copyright 1993. All Rights Reserved.
NEW YORK
NEW YORK (AP) -- Big Bird, the famed friendly muppet of Sesame
Street, has apparently gone on a rampage. Several muppets are known to
be dead; including Prairie Dawn, Oscar the Grouch, and Bert -- long time
friend, room- mate, and occasional lover of Ernie.
The bird is now reportedly holding Maria hostage in a five floor
tenement near Hooper's Store. New York City Police SWAT teams have
surrounded the building.
*********************************************************************
AP Online
AP 10/01 4:26 EDT V743
Copyright 1993. All Rights Reserved.
NEW YORK
NEW YORK (AP) -- Big Bird, Sesame Street muppet, is reported dead at
this hour after an hour-and-a-half hostage standoff with New York City
Police. Kermit-The-Frog, Sesame Street Muppet on the scene, reports
that as police stormed the five story tenement building where the bird
was holding Maria hostage, Big Bird flew out an upper story window at
them in a Kamikaze-like attack. Police SWAT units brought down the bird
in a hail of automatic weapons fire. Dead are: Prairie Dawn, Oscar the
Grouch, Bert, and Big Bird. There is no information available concerning
Maria.
**********************************************************************
AP Online
AP 10/01 8:47 EDT V246
Copyright 1993. All Rights Reserved.
NEW YORK
NEW YORK (AP) -- The Professor and his assistant, Beaker, muppet
chemists, have reportedly found angel dust in Big Bird's feed. Big Bird
was killed by Police early this morning after the bird went on a killing
spree on Sesame Street. Maria, taken hostage during the ordeal, has
survived unharmed.
Three muppets were killed by the bird: Prarie Dawn (a friendly, pig-
tailed muppet girl-child), Oscar the Grouch (a green garbage-can
dwelling grumpy muppet) and Bert (the famous gay paper clip collector
and pigeon friend).
Authorities in the area report that the bad seed was purchased at the
local Hooper's.
*********************************************************************
AP Online
AP 10/01 11:15 EDT V543
Copyright 1993. All Rights Reserved.
NEW YORK
NEW YORK (AP) -- Police are asking all motorists and humans to stay
away from Sesame Street today as tensions are running high among the
muppets. Many reportedly are outraged at the tainted food supply and at
how the police handled the hostage situation. According to bystanders on
the scene at the time, Mr. Snuffalupagus pleaded with police to be
allowed to talk Big Bird down. Instead, police stormed the building with
deadly results. Ernie is said to be despondent at the loss of his good
buddy Bert.
*********************************************************************
AP Online
AP 10/01 17:25 EDT V927
Copyright 1993. All Rights Reserved.
NEW YORK
NEW YORK (AP) -- Violence erupted again on Sesame Street at five
o'clock this afternoon. As thousands of humans driving home took a
sightseeing tour of the scene of Big Bird's deadly rampage, muppets
became enraged. Hundreds of muppets, large and small, stalked the
streets and surrounded humans in their cars. In at least one case, ten
muppets pulled a motorist from his car and beat him with large,
styrofome letters. Police again arrived on the scene in force. At this
hour, quiet is restored -- but tensions are very high.
******************************************************************
AP Online
AP 10/02 0:47 EDT V211
Copyright 1993. All Rights Reserved.
NEW YORK
NEW YORK (AP) -- Police and fire units have been called to Sesame
Street. Reporters on the scene describe a nightmarish atmosphere. Furry
muppets ranging in size from only inches to seven feet in height are
looting Hooper's Store and firebombing the entire neighborhood. Orange
and blue firelight is rising over many buildings. Cardboard backdrops,
props, and storehouses full of numbers and letters are burning to the
ground. Muppets are taunting firemen and police from windows high above
the street with counting and alphabet songs.
******************************************************************
AP Online
3~AP 10/02 9:24 EDT V482
Copyright 1993. All Rights Reserved.
NEW YORK
NEW YORK (AP) -- Morning light has brought an eerie calm to Sesame
Street after a night of rioting. Smoke rises from most buildings. On the
street, lifeless, crumpled fur lies in mute testiment of the night of
wild outrage. Unknown numbers of muppets have died or been shot to death
by Police in full riot gear. Here and there, a muppet--still animated
with life--can be seen staring at the wreckage, or sweeping vacantly at
the rubble. The Count was reported running down the street crying and
yelling, :"Ten, Ten Lifeless Muppet Bodies!" No humans were killed in
the rioting, although several people reported rug-burns.
******************************************************************
AP Online
AP 10/03 15:35 EDT V335
Copyright 1993. All Rights Reserved.
NEW YORK
NEW YORK (AP) -- Ernie, gay friend and roommate of the murdered
muppet Bert, broke his two day silence today with a eulogy address at a
mass muppet funeral. The following is the complete transcript of his
address:
"I come here today to honor a man I loved. A man who was loved by
millions thoughout the world. Bert was a giant among muppets. His paper-
clip collection was viewed with awe by many of the world's leaders. Just
one year ago, as President Clinton campaigned on Sesame Street for the
muppet vote, it was Bert who everone turned to for advice. It was Bert
who told us all, "anyone who can hang as many paperclips together as
Bill Clinton, can certainly run the country."
I also come here today to honor Big Bird. Bird was such a loving
creature. His large size and bright color alarmed many who first met
him, but it was his innocent and curious nature which taught us all to
love him. Bird wouldn't have wanted us to remember him, or to
memorialize him, with violence. All he ever wanted was for all creatures
to "just get along" with each other. Big Bird has come to a bad end,
friends, but it wasn't his fault. It was just some bad seed.