The College Food Chain...

The Loony Bin ( loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk )
Sat, 18 May 1996 12:33:16 +0100


Hiya People...

We've seen a different flavour of this one before, but it's still worth
reading...

Wishes & Dreams...

- ANDREA
        xx
 
************<andrea@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk>************
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  ------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------
The College Food Chain


THE DEAN
Leaps tall buildings in a single bound
Is more powerful than a locomotive
Is faster than a speeding bullet
Walks on water 
Gives policy to God 

THE DEPARTMENT HEAD 
Leaps short buildings in a single bound 
Is more powerful than a switch engine 
Is just as fast as a speeding bullet 
Talks with God 

PROFESSOR 
Leaps short buildings with a running start and favorable winds 
Is almost as powerful as a switch engine 
Is faster than a speeding BB 
Walks on water in an indoor swimming pool 
Talks with God if a special request is honored

ASSOCIATE PROFESSOR 
Barely clears a quonset hut 
Loses tug of war with a locomotive 
Can fire a speeding bullet 
Swims well 
Is occassionally addressed by God 

ASSISTANT PROFESSOR 
Makes high marks on the walls when trying to leap tall buildings 
Is run over by locomotives 
Can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self-injury 
Treads water
Talks to animals

INSTRUCTOR 
Climbs walls continually 
Rides the rails 
Plays Russian Roulette
Walks on thin ice 
Prays a lot 

GRADUATE STUDENT 
Runs into buildings
Recognizes locomotives two out of three times 
Is not issued ammunition 
Can stay afloat with a life jacket 
Talks to walls 

UNDERGRADUATE STUDENT 
F lls over doorstep when trying to enter buildings 
Says "Look at the choo-choo"
Wets himself with a water pistol 
Plays in mud puddles 
Mumbles to himself

DEPARTMENT SECRETARY 
Lifts buildings and walks under them 
Kicks locomotives off the tracks 
Catches speeding bullets in her teeth and eats them 
Freezes water with a single glance 
She IS God.