The Loony Bin
(
loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk
)
Sun, 21 Apr 1996 16:44:48 +0100
Hiya People...
Another list from the Keepers of Lists at Dr Fellowbug's Laboratory...
Wishes & Dreams...
- ANDREA
xxx
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*** THE LOONY BIN ***
*** loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk ***
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**********************ANDROMEDA**********************
Things you don't want to hear during surgery...
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'Someone call the janitor - we're going to need a mop.'
OK,OK! Let's vote on that! Which of you thinks this has to be the liver?
Whoa, he's a bleeder! - pass the paper towels.
Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.
"If I can just remember how they did this on ER last week..."
"Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness..."
Spot! Spot! Come back with that! Bad Dog!
"Ooops! This guy was the bypass not the castration!"
Let's see, thigh bone connected to the knee bone, knee bone
connected to.....
Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?
His penis is bigger than mine. We'll have to fix that.
If he wakes up, hit him again.
Let's hurry I don't want to miss "Baywatch"...
Hand me that...uh...that uh.....thingie...
"Dammit, Jim! I'm a bricklayer, not a doctor!"
1.2.3.4. Drop the patient on the floor...
"Wake up, doctor!"
Oh no! I just lost my Rolex.
Where'd my glasses go?
Was this guy alive when we started?
Do it again George, poke his brain where my finger was...!
"Don't worry, plenty of men lead normal lives with only one testicle."
Was this thing below his waist or above it??????
Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived 500ml of this stuff before?
"Hey that laughing gas stuff is pretty cool. Can I have some more of
that?"
Whoa! Save that! We'll probably have to put it back later!
Damn, there go the lights again...
"Ya know, there's big money in kidneys. Hell, the guy's got two of 'em.
Hand me the chain saw, will ya?
Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens!
...and could you stop that thing from beating; it's throwing my
concentration off...
Which kidney was I supposed to take out again?
What do mean he wasn't in for a sex change...???
Okay, we got his face back together, now let's try to sew the rest of
him up. - he did look like that before, right?
Anyone see where I left that scalpel?
"Power loss to sickbay, Emergency Holographic Doctor signing off..."
Well, we can't save that limb, so fire up the grill.
I wanna thank you all for assisting me in my first surgery since being
released from Bellevue...
Medical school in Panama was a breeze...
Heh, heh! Is, uh, that supposed to do that? Does anyone know?
Excuse me, Dr. Lecter...it's not lunch time yet!
Ready for the transplant... I can't seem to find the donor organ, so I'm
using something from my fridge...
Oh! My hand's stuck! Somebody grab me those big scissors!
Whoops! We'll just tuck that sucker right back in there...
"And now we remove the subject's brain and place it in the body of
the ape."
Nurse, please rub more bile all over me again... it feels so good.
"Doctor, are you SURE this man needs breast implants? Hey, right now,
his breasts are bigger than mine!" - Nurse
Now, where would he've hidden that microfilm...?
I`m not a real doctor but I play one on TV...
That looks nice, lets keep it in shall we?
"Ahh finally back from vacation in England, Boy do they have the best
burgers!"
My name's Forrest Gump... People call me Forrest Gump...
This patient has already had some kids, am I correct?
Hey - Get that cat out of here!
Heads, tonsillectomy; tails, vasectomy - call it in the air...
Stop picking your nose and get over here to help me!
Uh huh huh - Beavis and Butthead
Well this book doesn't say that......What edition is your manual?
Hand me a pair of those little tongs. The one between the isopropyl
alchohol and the BBQ sauce.
We have the technology -- we can rebuild him...
Anybody else as drunk as I am?
Who's that guy in the black suit? Why is he carrying a scythe?
Would you like a doggy bag?
It's times like this I'm glad I flunked out of hair dressing school...
Hi my name is Bob and I'll be your surgeon tonight...
"Yep, I decided to become a surgeon when I saw that TV commercial about
training for a better career at home...
"I've been looking forward to my very first operation!"
Aaaaaahhhhhhhchoooooooo!!!!!!!!
Darn the last page has been torn out! Which bit do I cut out? Oh well,
just have to make a guess...
Whoa that LSD I took an hour ago has finally kicked in...now which
appendix was I going for?
Did anyone remember to inject the anasthesia?
I'm afraid you're body was totally destroyed in the accident, so we
built a bionic one for you. Here's our bill for 6 million
dollars...
Luuuke!! Use the Fooorrce Luuuke!
Was it this leg, or that leg?
FIRE! FIRE! Everyone get out!
Ooh! this wasn't so good. It needs more salt.
Now where's the sticky backed plastic ? - Valerie Singleton