The Loony Bin
(
loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk
)
Sun, 21 Apr 1996 16:06:17 +0100
Hiya People...
Here's a Loony list of reasons why computers are better than people,
from the Keepers of the Lists at Dr Fellowbug's Laboratory...
Wishes & Dreams...
- ANDREA
xx
--
************<andrea@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk>************
******************<ajc6@ukc.ac.uk>*******************
*** ***
*** THE LOONY BIN ***
*** loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk ***
*** ***
*****************************************************
**********************ANDROMEDA**********************
Computers have an OFF switch - So I can always think I win.
Computers never make misteaks; my spell-chequer told me sew...
A computer doesn't care if you have another computer.
You can disable the sound on your computer. Try that with a human
coworker!
You can upgrade a computer.
Computers come with user guides.
You *expect* games with a computer.
Computers can think about more than ONE THING,
You'll never catch a computer in bed with your best buddy.
No matter what it sees or hears, it'll never testify against you.
You use the computer, the computer doesn't use you.
You can always buy a new computer.
Unlike SOME people, computers never walk around the house in their
underwear scratching themselves.
Computers can always be 'turned on'.
You Never have to say I'M SORRY to a computer.
Computer's hard disk stays hard even when its not in the mood.
You can ignore your computer for days at a time.
Your computer won't give you its virus.
Computers don't have in-laws.
They won`t whine when you yell at them for messing up.
Computers don't leave food items in your fridge that never seem to
leave.
You always know what will turn a computer on and off.
With a little work you can get a computer to "do" windows.
They never suggest you have a vasectomy.
They never pass gas in the same room with you and then pretend that
nothing is wrong.
Computers refrain from talking during movies.
You can add bigger parts to your computer.
Computers can't see - Really handsome guy, truly I am...
Computers won't hit you back when you smack them.
You never have to meet its parents.
Computers do it FASTER...and LONGER...
Computers won't break your legs off out of love for you!
Computers don't get headaches!
Computers don't pee on the carpet.
You can always trade up to a better computer.
Computers don't tear your arms out of their sockets when they
lose - Han Solo
They're there when you want them; you can turn them off when you don't.
My monitor looks great in a negligee.
We work together for the benefit of borg... I mean humankind -
Resistance is futile, you will be assimilated...
They become obsolete in six months--people take several years.
No matter how bad it screws you, a computer never gets pregnant.
Dipped in chocolate, a P90 makes for a nice afternoon snack.
Computers ALWAYS go down...
Computers don't say they love you before they screw you.
They handle "cache" better.
Computers' opening moves are predictable.
If my hard drive goes down, I can get another one.
A computer will never say "I just want to be friends."
Computers never ask for alimony.
They NEVER complain, they only freeze up.
Computers don't have bad breath.
Computers don't start wars...unless there is a bug in the missile launch
program.