The Loony Bin
(
loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk
)
Wed, 30 Jul 1997 18:57:59 +0100
Hiya All...
Here are a string of daft jokes...sent in by Alan...
Wishes & Dreams...
- ANDREA
xx
***<andrea@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk>****<ajc6@ukc.ac.uk>***
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**********************ANDROMEDA************************
------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------
Q: Why did Maria Schriver marry Arnold Schwartzeneggar?
A: They're trying to breed a bullet-proof Kennedy.
Q: What's so good about an Ethiopian blowjob?
A: You know she'll swallow.
Q: How does every ethnic joke start?
A: By looking over your shoulder.
Q: What's a Japanese girl's favorite holiday?
A: Erection day.
Q: Why don't they teach driver's education and sex education on the
same day in Iraq?
A: They don't want to wear out the camel.
Q: What's the difference between erotic and kinky?
A: Erotic is when you use a feather; kinky is when you use the whole
chicken.
Q: How can you tell if a bank robber is gay?
A: He ties up the safe and blows the guard.
Q: How can you tell if you're in a gay church?
A: Only half the congregation is kneeling.
Q: How can you tell the difference between a straight rodeo and a gay
rodeo?
A: At a straight rodeo they yell "Ride them suckers!"
Q: What's the difference between a freezer and a fag?
A: A freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.
Q: Whats the most popular pick up line in a gay bar?
A: "May I push in your stool?"
Q: Which is better, being born black or gay?
A: Black, because you don't have to tell your parents.
Q: How can you spot the blind guy in a nudist colony?
A: It's not hard.
Q: How can you tell if a valentine is from a leper?
A: The tongue's still in the envelope.
Q: What do you call a man with no arms or legs, with a ten inch penis?
A: "Partially disabled."
Q: What was Helen Keller's dog's name?
A: "Huuuuuuuuuummmmmmmmth!"
Q: What's small, green, and falls apart?
A: A leperchaun.
Q: Why does Helen Keller need two hands to masturbate?
A: One to do the work and the other to moan with.
Q: What's the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife?
A: A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewelry.
Q: How do you save a lawyer from drowning?
A: Take your foot off his head.
Q: If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?
A: It might be your bicycle.
Q: What's the difference between a dead lawyer in the road and a dead
skunk in the road?
A: The skid marks are in front of the skunk.
Q: How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?
A: Cut the rope.
Q: How come no one ever came up with any jokes about the Jonestown
incident?
A: The punchlines were too long.
Q: What do Rodney King and Nicole Simpson have in common?
A: They just didn't listen.
Q: How many Puerto Ricans does it take to grease a car?
A: Just one if you hit him right.
Q: What do you say to a Puerto Rican in a three piece suit?
A: "Will the defendant please rise..."
Q: When does a Puerto Rican become a Spaniard?
A: When he marries your daughter.
Q: Why are they using Mexicans instead of laboratory rats in
experiments now?
A: They breed faster and you don't get so attached to them.
Q: When does a black man become a nigger?
A: When he leaves the room.
Q: What's the difference between blacks and snow tires?
A: Snow tires don't sing when you put chains on them.
Q: What are the three most difficult years in a Pole's life?
A: Second grade.
Q: What's long and hard that a Polish bride gets on her wedding night?
A: A new last name.
Q: Why don't Polish women use vibrators?
A: It chips their teeth.
Q: Why can't Jesus eat M&Ms?
A: They keep falling through the holes in his hands.
Q: How are fat girls and mopeds alike?
A: They're both fun to ride until your friends find out.
Q: How do you make your wife scream after an orgasm?
A: Wipe your dick on the curtains.
Q: What are three words you dread the most while making love?
A: "Honey, I'm home."
Q: What's the difference between your wife and your job?
A: After 10 years the job still sucks.
Q: What's the hardest thing about a sex change from a man to a woman?
A: Inserting the anchovies.
Q: Which of the following doesn't belong: wife, meat, eggs, blowjob?
A: The blowjob. You can beat your wife, your eggs, or your meat; but
you just can't beat a blowjob.
Q: Why do women have two holes on the bottom?
A: So when they get drunk at a party, you can carry them home like a
six-pack.