The Loony Bin
(
loonies@bloodaxe.com
)
Fri, 12 Oct 01 02:59:40 +0100
Hiya People... This time we find out what a company is doing to further its cost- cutting plans... Wishes & Dreams... - ANDREA xx *********THE LOONY BIN****loonies@bloodaxe.com********* Archive: http://loonies.net800.co.uk/ ************ANDROMEDA******Internet Goddess************ ------- Forwarded foolishness follows ------- **Cost Cutting ** ================= DUE TO THE CURRENT FINANCIAL STATUS OF THE COMPANY ALL EMPLOYEES ARE ENCOURAGED TO ADOPT THE FOLLOWING COST CUTTING MEASURES Lodging All employees are encouraged to stay with relatives and friends while on business travel. If weather permits, public areas such as parks should be used as temporary lodging sites. Bus terminals, train stations, and office lobbies may provide shelter in periods of inclement weather. Transportation Hitchhiking is the preferred mode of travel in lieu of commercial transport. Luminescent safety vests will be issued to all employees prior to their departure on business trips. Bus transportation will be used only when work schedules require such travel. Airline tickets will be authorized in extreme circumstances and the lowest fares will be used. For example, if a meeting is scheduled in Seattle, but the lower fare can be obtained by travelling to Detroit, then travel to Detroit will be substituted for travel to Seattle. Meals Expenditures for meals will be limited to an absolute minimum. It should be noted that certain grocery and speciality chains, such as Hickory Farms, General Nutrition centers, Costco, Sams stores etc. often provide free samples of promotional items. Entire meals can be obtained in this manner. Travellers should also be familiar with indigenous roots, berries, and other protein sources available at their destinations. If restaurants must be utilized, travellers should use "all you can eat" salad bars. This is especially effective for employees travelling together as one plate can be used to feed the entire group. Employees are also encouraged to bring their own food on business travel. Cans of tuna fish, Spam, and Beefaroni can be consumed at your leisure without the necessary bother of heating or costly preparation. Miscellaneous All employees are encouraged to devise innovative techniques in effort to save company dollars. One enterprising individual has already suggested that money could be raised during airport layover periods which could be used to defray travel expenses. In support of this idea, red caps will be issued to all employees prior to their departure so that they may earn tips by helping others with their luggage. Small plastic roses and ball point pens will also be available to employees so that sales may be made as time permits. Please include this information if you forward this joke: ******************************************************* This joke and others like it, can be found in: The Loony Bin http://loonies.net800.co.uk/ ******************************************************* To UNSUBSCRIBE or SUBSCRIBE email: loonies@bloodaxe.com Subject: 'unsubscribe' or 'subscribe' Get PAID for the emails you already send and receive! http://www.mailround.com/ Referrer: andrea@bloodaxe.com