The Loony Bin
(
loonies@bloodaxe.com
)
Sat, 15 Sep 01 03:15:47 +0100
Hiya Folks...
If you haven't seen it before, The Hunger Site can convert your clicks
into food for the hungry of the world. In an effort to provide
assistance in the aftermath of the tragedies, America's Second Harvest
and Mercy Corps will use the proceeds generated from The Hunger Site
through September 30th to support their efforts to aid victims and
survivors in New York City and Washington D.C. The organizations will be
providing relief until the crisis subsides, and funding received after
that point will be used to support their daily work to provide
international and domestic hunger relief:
http://www.thehungersite.com/
Right, guys...these are your unwritten rules, which Pete has forwarded
on to us...
Wishes & Dreams...
- ANDREA
xx
*********THE LOONY BIN****loonies@bloodaxe.com*********
Archive: http://loonies.net800.co.uk/
************ANDROMEDA******Internet Goddess************
------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------
But now strangely written...
Unwritten Rules of Men:
1. Any Man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally killed and
buried by his fellow partygoers.
2. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
3. It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances:
a. When a heroic dog dies to save it's master
b. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse
c. After wrecking your boss' car.
d. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
e. When your Date is using her teeth
4. Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out
of jail within 12 hours.
5. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off
limits forever, unless you actually marry her.
6. The minimum amount of time you have to wait for a guy who's running
late is 5 minutes. Maximum waiting time: 6 minutes. For a girl, you have
to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic
1-10 scale.
7. Bitching about the brand of free beer in a Mate's fridge is
forbidden.
Gripe at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
8. No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another
man (in fact, even remembering your Mate's birthday is strictly
optional).
9. On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the
weakest.
10. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may
always ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask
who's playing.
11. You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought
her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of
flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.
12. It is permissible to quaff a fruity chick drink only when you're
sunning on a tropical beach...and it's delivered by a topless
supermodel...and it's free.
13. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
14. Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
15. If a man's zipper is down, that's his problem - you didn't see
nothin'.
16. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies
until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as
much beer as the other sports watchers.
17. You must offer heartfelt and public condolences over the death of a
girlfriend's dog, even if it was you who secretly set it on fire and
threw it into a ceiling fan.
18. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must
remain sober enough to fight.
19. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of
pizza, but not both. That's just plain mean.
20. If you complement a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking
about his choice of beer.
21. Never join your girlfriend or wife in dissing a Mate of yours,
except if she's withholding s*x pending your response.
22. Phrases that may not be uttered to another man while lifting
weights:
a. Yeah, Baby, Push it!
b. C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
c. Another set and we can hit the showers!
d. Nice Ass, are you a Sagittarius?
23. Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing:
both urin*ting, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an
almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.
24. Never allow a conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are
able to have s*x with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone; Hang up if
necessary.
25. The morning after you and a babe who was formerly "just a friend"
have carnal drunken monkey s*x, the fact that you're feeling weird and
guilty is no reason not to nail her again before the discussion about
what a big mistake it was.
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