Staff Meetings...

The Loony Bin ( loonies@bloodaxe.com )
Tue, 16 Jan 2001 01:58:51 +0000


The Loony Bin - http://loonies.net800.co.uk/

Hiya People...

Here's another list for you to look at:

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Here are some ideas to cheer up those boring staff meetings...

Wishes & Dreams...

- ANDREA
        xx

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  ------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------


Some inspiration for your staff meetings ...

If it starts to get a little tiring, why not try some of these little
exercises. Not only will it make the meeting more interesting but your
fellow workmates will become suddenly more alert and maintain a
respectful distance:

1. Discreetly clasp hold of someone's hand and whisper: 'Can you feel
it?' from the corner of your mouth.

2. Draw enormous genitalia on your notepad and discreetly show it to the
person next to you for their approval.

3. When refreshments are presented, immediately distribute one biscuit
to each of the attendees, then systematically smash each one with your
fist in front of them.

4. Chew tobacco.

5. Wear a hands free phone headset throughout and once in a while drift
off into an unrelated conversation, such as: 'I don't care if there are
no dwarfs, just get the show done!'

6. Write the words 'he fancies you' on your pad and show it to the
person next to you while indicating with your pen.

7. Respond to a serious question with: 'I don't know what to say,
obviously I'm flattered, but it's all happened so fast'.

8. Use Nam style jargon such as 'what's the ETA?', 'who's on recon?' &
'Charlie don't surf'.

9. Reconstruct the meeting in front of you using action figures and when
anyone moves re-arrange the figures accordingly.

10. Shave one of your forearms.

11. Draw a chalk circle around one of the chairs then avoid sitting on
it, when the meeting starts. When someone does eventually sit in it,
cover your mouth and gasp.

12. Turn your back on the meeting and sit facing the window with your
legs stretched out. Announce that you 'love this dirty town'.

13. Walk directly up to a colleague and stand nose to nose with him for
1 minute.

14. Mount the desk and walk along its length before taking your seat.

15. Reflect sunlight into everyone's eyes off your watch face.

16. Gargle with water.

17. Repeat every idea they express in a baby voice while moving your
hand like a chattering mouth.

18. Gradually push yourself closer and closer to the door on your chair.

19. Hum throughout.

20. Pull out a large roll of bank notes and count them demonstratively.

21. Bend momentarily under the table then emerge wearing contact lenses
that white out your eyes.

22. Drop meaningless & confusing management-speak into conversations
such as: 'what's the margin, Marvin?'; 'When's this turkey going to get
basted?'; 'If we don't get this brook babbling we're all going to end up
looking like doe-eyed Labradors'.

23. Produce a hamster from your pocket and suggest throwing it to one
another as a means of idea-exchange.

24. Use a large hunting knife to point at your visual aids.

25. Announce that you've run off some copies of the meeting agenda. Then
hand out pieces of paper that read: My secret agenda (1) Trample the
weak; (2) Triumph alone; (3) Invade Poland.

26. Re-collect them sheepishly and ask everyone to pretend they haven't
seen them.

27. Attempt to hypnotise the entire room using a pocket watch.

28. When referring to someone in the room always call them your 'homey'
or 'dog'.

29. Leave long pauses in your speech at random moments. When someone is
prompted to interject shout 'I AM NOT FINISHED'.


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