The Loony Bin
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loonies@bloodaxe.com
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Wed, 5 Jul 2000 23:19:51 +0100
The Loony Bin - http://loonies.net800.co.uk/
Hiya Folks...
Here's another list for you to look at:
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Now, here's another example of how people say the funniest things...
Wishes & Dreams...
- ANDREA
xx
*********THE LOONY BIN****loonies@bloodaxe.com*********
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************ANDROMEDA******Internet Goddess************
------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------
Up in the Air
-------------
Occasionally, airline attendants make an effort to make the in-flight
safety lecture and their other announcements a bit more entertaining.
Here are some real examples that have been heard and/or reported:
"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out
of this airplane."
As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington National, a
lone voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fellas. WHOA!"
After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a
flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced: "Please take care when
opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that,
sure as hell everything has shifted."
"Weather at our destinations is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but
we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you and remember,
nobody loves you, or your money, more than Southwest Airlines."
"Your seat cushions can be used for flotation, and in the event of an
emergency water landing, please take them with our compliments."
Once on a southwest flight, the pilot said, "We've reached our cruising
altitude now, and I'm turning off the seat belt sign. I'm switching to
autopilot, too, so I can come back there and visit with all of you for
the rest of the flight."
"Should the cabin lose pressure, oxygen masks will drop from the
overhead area. Please place the bag over your own mouth and nose before
assisting children or adults acting like children."
"As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings.
Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight
attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses."
"Last one off the plane must clean it."
Heard on Southwest Airlines just after a very hard landing in Salt Lake
City. The flight attendant came on the intercom and said: "That was
quite a bump and I know what ya'll are thinking. I'm here to tell you it
wasn't the airline's fault, and it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't
the flight attendant's fault. It was the asphalt!"
Another flight attendants comment on a less than perfect landing: "We
ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the
terminal."
After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the flight attendant came
on with, "Ladies and gentlemen, please remain in your seats until
Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching
halt against the gate. And once the tire smoke has cleared and the
warning bells are silenced, we'll open the door and you can pick your
way through the wreckage to the terminal."
Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like to thank
you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the
insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal
tube, we hope you'll think of us here a US Airways."
And from the pilot during his welcome message: "We are pleased to have
some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately, none
of them are on this flight."
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