The Loony Bin
(
loonies@bloodaxe.com
)
Wed, 2 Feb 2000 22:08:04 +0000
The Loony Bin - http://loonies.net800.co.uk/ Hiya All... Here's another list for you to look at: You want funny, side splitting, jokes delivered daily ? You can join ~AIKEN DRUM'S~ * a laugh a day * by sending a blank e-mail to SubscribeAEC@AikensLaughs.com Visit for 5 other types of lists: http://www.AikensLaughs.com ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ We've had a few for dog lovers recently, so here's one for all the cat fans... Wishes & Dreams... - ANDREA xx *********THE LOONY BIN****loonies@bloodaxe.com********* *** *** *** Archive: http://loonies.net800.co.uk/ *** *** *** ************ANDROMEDA******Internet Goddess************ ------- Forwarded foolishness follows ------- Subject: Cat Laws 1 - Law of Cat Inertia A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force - such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby scurrying mouse. 2 - Law of Cat Motion A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good reason to change direction. 3 - Law of Cat Magnetism All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in direct proportion to the darkness of the fabric. 4 - Law of Cat Thermodynamics Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the case of a cat, all heat flows to the cat. 5 - Law of Cat Stretching A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the nap just taken. 6 - Law of Cat Sleeping All cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a position as uncomfortable for the people involved as is possible for the cat. 7 - Law of Cat Elongation A cat can make her body long enough to reach just about any countertop, that has anything remotely interesting on it. 8 - Law of Cat Acceleration A cat will accelerate at a constant speed, until he gets good and ready to stop. 9 - Law of Dinner Table Attendance Cats must attend all meals when anything good is served. 10 - Law of Rug Configuration No rug may remain in its naturally flat state, for very long. 11 - Law of Obedience Resistance A cat's resistance varies in inverse proportion to a human's desire for her to do something. 12 - First Law of Energy Conservation Cats know that energy can neither be created nor destroyed and will therefore use as little energy as possible. 13 - Second Law of Energy Conservation Cats also know that energy can only be stored, by a lot of napping. 14 - Law of Refrigerator Observation If a cat watches a refrigerator long enough, someone will come along and take out something good to eat. 15 - Law of Electric Blanket Attraction Turn on an electric blanket and a cat will jump into bed at the speed of light. 16 - Law of Random Comfort Seeking A cat will always seek, and usually take over, the most comfortable spot in any given room. 17 - Law of Bag/Box Occupancy All bags and boxes in a given room must contain a cat within the earliest possible nanosecond. 18 - Law of Cat Embarrassment A cat's irritation rises in direct proportion to her embarrassment times the amount of human laughter. 19 - Law of Milk Consumption A cat will drink his weight in milk, squared, just to show you he can. 20 - Law of Furniture Replacement A cats desire to scratch furniture is directly proportional to the cost of the furniture. 21 - Law of Cat Landing A cat will always land in the softest place possible. 22 - Law of Fluid Displacement A cat immersed in milk will displace her own volume, minus the amount of milk consumed. 23 - Law of Cat Disinterest A cats interest level will vary in inverse proportion to the amount of effort a human expends in trying to interest him. 24 - Law of Pill Rejection Any pill given to a cat has the potential energy to reach escape velocity. 25 - Law of Cat Composition A cat is composed of Matter + Anti-Matter + It Doesn't Matter. 26 - Law of Selective Listening Although a cat can hear a can of tuna being opened a mile away, she can't hear a simple command three feet away. 27 - Law of Equidistant Separation All cats in a given room will locate at points equidistant from each other, and equidistant from the centre of the room. 28 - Law of Cat Invisibility Cats think that if they can't see you, then you can't see them. 29 - Law of Space-Time Continuum Given enough time, a cat will land in just about any space. 30 - Law of Concentration of Mass A cat's mass increases in direct proportion to the comfort of the lap she occupies. 31 - Law of Cat Probability (Uncertainty Principle) It is not possible to predict where a cat actually is, only the probability of where she "might" be. 32 - Law of Cat Obedience As yet undiscovered. Please include this information if you forward this joke: ********************************************************* This joke and others like it, can be found in: The Loony Bin http://loonies.net800.co.uk/ ********************************************************* ______________________________________________________________________ To unsubscribe, write to loonies-unsubscribe@listbot.com