The Loony Bin
(
loonies@bloodaxe.com
)
Thu, 14 Oct 1999 05:54:11 +0100
The Loony Bin - http://loonies.net800.co.uk/ Hiya Folks... I have a greyhound...and this joke speaks volumes to me... Wishes & Dreams... - ANDREA xx *********THE LOONY BIN****loonies@bloodaxe.com********* *** *** *** Archive: http://loonies.net800.co.uk/ *** *** *** ************ANDROMEDA******Internet Goddess************ ------- Forwarded foolishness follows ------- You Know You're A Greyhound Person When... You keep the hound mitt by the computer but your own washcloth has disappeared. The greyhound coats are all hung up carefully in the closet, but your own jackets from last winter are still hanging on the hall door. There are more greyhound coats in the closet than people coats. The greyhounds have necklaces for formal affairs but you don't wear jewelry unless it depicts a greyhound. You go to pet supply stores on weekends because it's one of the few places you can take your dog. You angle the rearview mirror so you can watch your greyhound sleeping in the back seat while you drive. You start running out of places to put all those greyhound calendars. You don't consider yourself to be "well dressed" unless there's a representation of a greyhound somewhere on your outfit. You estimate how heavy an object is by comparing it to the forty-pound bag of kibble you're used to hoisting around. You become paranoid about keeping an ID on your greyhound at all times (collar, tags, microchip, tattoo), but don't bother to carry any ID yourself. You have nose prints on all glass surfaces - windows, doors, inside the car, etc. - and you leave them there because cleaning them seems so futile at this point. You've had long, meaningful discussions with your friends on the best way to trim your greyhound's nails, but have never had a manicure or pedicure in your life. You'll buy anything with a greyhound on it, even if it really looks more like a whippet or Italian greyhound. Books and movies are ruined for you if the dog references are incorrect. The sound of any liquid hitting the floor two rooms away at 3 a.m. is enough to launch you out of bed; but you can sleep through a ringing phone, the alarm clock, and earthquakes. Most of your social life is with other greyhound people. Getting set up for the holidays means wiring the Christmas tree to the ceiling and setting up an X-pen around it. (Bonus: You own and use "dog- safe" ornaments.) You buy holiday gifts for all the dogs you know. (Bonus: You bring a gift for the dog when you go to a friend's house, but not for the owner.) Your family has resigned themselves to the fact that you're bringing your greyhound to all holiday gatherings (or you don't bother coming at all). Your parents give up on grandchildren and start to refer to your greyhounds as "your kids" or your "children." (Bonus: They start to call them "our granddogs" and buy gifts for them.) Each of your greyhounds has a personalized ornament on the Christmas tree. (Bonus: They have their own tree with dog-themed decorations.) No one wants to ride in your car because they know they'll get dog hair on their good clothes. You reach into your pockets for change, and liver treats, dog kibble, and pickup bags fall out. All of your charitable donations go to dog-related and humane society groups. Your personal calendar has notations in it for flea and heartworm medication, vaccine and license renewals, show and tells, dog washes, the PetExpo - but few family events. You order a tailor-made dog blanket to keep your greyhound warm, but don't wear anything yourself that wasn't mass produced. You're willing to pet sit, but not babysit for friends. The only thing your friends, family, colleagues, and passing acquaintances say to you when they see you is, "How are the greyhounds?" or "How many greyhounds do you have now?" You automatically whistle and tap the floor with your foot when you drop food. (Bonus: You do this when you're at a friend's house or in a restaurant.) Please include this information if you forward this joke: ********************************************************* This joke and others like it, can be found in: The Loony Bin http://loonies.net800.co.uk/ ********************************************************* ______________________________________________________________________ To unsubscribe, write to loonies-unsubscribe@listbot.com Start Your Own FREE Email List at http://www.listbot.com/