The Loony Bin
(
loonies@bloodaxe.com
)
Fri, 20 Aug 1999 18:38:46 +0100
The Loony Bin - http://loonies.net800.co.uk/
Hiya People...
Because we've neglected our physicists for a while...here's an index for
assessing any revolutionary contributions to physics...
Wishes & Dreams...
- ANDREA
xx
*********THE LOONY BIN****loonies@bloodaxe.com*********
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************ANDROMEDA******Internet Goddess************
------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------
A simple method for rating potentially revolutionary contributions to
physics.
1. A -5 point starting credit.
2. 1 point for every statement that is widely agreed on to be false.
3. 2 points for every statement that is clearly vacuous.
4. 3 points for every statement that is logically inconsistent.
5. 5 points for each such statement that is adhered to despite careful
correction.
6. 5 points for using a thought experiment that contradicts the results
of a widely accepted real experiment.
7. 5 points for each word in all capital letters (except for those with
defective keyboards).
8. 5 points for each mention of "Einstein", "Hawking" or "Feynman".
9. 10 points for each claim that quantum mechanics is fundamentally
misguided (without good evidence).
10. 10 points for pointing out that you have gone to school, as if this
were evidence of sanity.
11. 10 points for beginning the description of your theory by saying how
long you have been working on it.
12. 10 points for mailing your theory to someone you don't know
personally and asking them not to tell anyone else about it, for
fear that your ideas will be stolen.
13. 10 points for offering prize money to anyone who proves and/or finds
any flaws in your theory.
14. 10 points for each statement along the lines of "I'm not good at
math, but my theory is conceptually right, so all I need is for
someone to express it in terms of equations".
15. 10 points for arguing that a current well-established theory is
"only a theory", as if this were somehow a point against it.
16. 10 points for arguing that while a current well-established theory
predicts phenomena correctly, it doesn't explain "why" they occur,
or fails to provide a "mechanism".
17. 10 points for each favourable comparison of yourself to Einstein, or
claim that special or general relativity are fundamentally
misguided (without good evidence).
18. 10 points for claiming that your work is on the cutting edge of a
"paradigm shift".
19. 20 points for suggesting that you deserve a Nobel prize.
20. 20 points for each favourable comparison of yourself to Newton or
claim that classical mechanics is fundamentally misguided (without
good evidence).
21. 20 points for every use of science fiction works or myths as if they
were fact.
22. 20 points for defending yourself by bringing up (real or imagined)
ridicule accorded to your past theories.
23. 20 points for each use of the phrase "hidebound reactionary".
24. 20 points for each use of the phrase "self-appointed defender of the
orthodoxy".
25. 30 points for suggesting that a famous figure secretly disbelieved
in a theory which he or she publicly supported. (E.g., that Feynman
was a closet opponent of special relativity, as deduced by reading
between the lines in his freshman physics textbooks.)
26. 30 points for suggesting that Einstein, in his later years, was
groping his way towards the ideas you now advocate.
27. 30 points for claiming that your theories were developed by an
extraterrestrial civilisation (without good evidence).
28. 40 points for comparing those who argue against your ideas to Nazis,
stormtroopers, or brownshirts.
29. 40 points for claiming that the "scientific establishment" is
engaged in a "conspiracy" to prevent your work from gaining its
well-deserved fame, or suchlike.
30. 40 points for comparing yourself to Galileo, suggesting that a
modern-day Inquisition is hard at work on your case, and so on.
31. 40 points for claiming that when your theory is finally appreciated,
present-day science will be seen for the sham it truly is. (30 more
points for fantasising about show trials in which scientists who
mocked your theories will be forced to recant.)
32. 50 points for claiming you have a revolutionary theory but giving no
concrete testable predictions.
by John Baez
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