The Loony Bin
(
loonies@bloodaxe.com
)
Mon, 14 Dec 1998 16:30:09 +0000
The Loony Bin - http://loonies.net800.co.uk/
Hiya All...
Ever wonder what all those different techy types do...???
Wishes & Dreams...
- ANDREA
xx
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*** THE LOONY BIN ***
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*** Archive: http://loonies.net800.co.uk/ ***
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*******************Internet Goddess********************
**********************ANDROMEDA************************
------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------
Job Descriptions
What The Organizational Chart Doesn't Tell You
In the MIS world, sorting out job titles is sometimes a difficult task:
Some folks are called Analysts.
Some are called Programmers.
Some are called Engineers.
None have a window office.
Following is a description of the 10 most commonly used job titles in
data processing. A truly experienced high-tech professional has held
five or even six of these positions. Many of them at the same time.
10. Programmer: This person holds the lowest rank in the DP field.
Manages no one. Answers to everyone. Approximately 50% of the
Programmer's time is scheduled for testing. Another 50% is spent
filling out time cards and progress reports. Any time left over is
spent attending classes on technologies that will never be used in
the shop. The Programmer is appraised on code quality and
reliability. Never has time to write any. Hopes to, someday, be
promoted to Systems Analyst.
9. Systems Analyst: The Systems Analyst refuses to code anymore.
Designs new systems. Writes specs for new systems. Devises
procedures and work flows for new systems. Ends up training users
on how to work around old systems. Next in line for Team Leader
position.
8. Team Leader: A Team Leader manages one project. Doesn't know why
he's not called Project Leader. That's what he has on his resume.
7. Project Leader: Manages several projects at once. Analyzes Gantt
charts from the Team Leaders' projects. Coordinates schedules from
the team Leaders' projects. Monitors deliverables from the Team
Leaders' projects. Has absolutely no idea what any of the Team
Leaders' projects are about. Wants to be a programmer again.
6. Operator: The Operator wields powers that the Project Leader can
only dream about. Makes Programmers beg for tape drives. Makes
Analysts beg for disk space. Makes Team Leaders beg for printouts.
Has an uncanny understanding of career potential in the data
processing industry. Going to law school at night.
5. Systems Programmer: Even an Operator wants to be a Systems
Programmer. Has the authority to wipe out disk packs without
warning. Crashes the system during user demos. Makes new releases
appear, then disappear, then reappear again. Especially during
month-end processing.
4. Database Administrator: No one really knows what the Database
Administrator does. No one is smart enough to know if the DBA is
doing it or not. But every shop must have one DBA. Because no place
can afford two of them.
3. Manager: The Manager is sometimes called a Director. Or an
Assistant Vice-President. Or an Account Manager. Has completely
lost touch with every concept of technology. Wants to finish next
year's budget. Wants to finish last year's appraisals. Wants to
learn the names of some of the Programmers. Only has time to
interview job applicants, especially DBAs.
2. Department Secretary: The Programmers have word processing. The
Managers have electronic mail. Everyone has automatic phone
messaging. This leaves the Department Secretary with all kinds of
time to manipulate, control and dispense the three most basic
employee needs: paychecks, rumors and supplies. Can make copier
self-destruct just by going to lunch.
1. Contract Programmer: A Contract Programmer doesn't have to wear a
nice suit. Or go to meetings. Or fill out time cards. Or keep
complaints to himself. He can make all the mistakes he wants. He
doesn't get benefits. He doesn't get training. He doesn't get
respect. But after years in the trenches, the Contract Programmer
will finally achieve the ultimate goal in the profession: He will
be able to make impossible deadlines with inadequate resources for
desperate managers by putting in all kinds of extra hours...and
will be paid overtime for every one of them.
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