The Loony Bin
(
andrea@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk
)
20 Mar 1998 01:25:00 -0000
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Hiya Folks...
Here is the second part of the saga from the Helpdesk...
Wishes & Dreams...
- ANDREA
xx
*******************************************************
*******************************************************
*** ***
*** THE LOONY BIN ***
*** loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk ***
*** Archive: http://eleceng.ukc.ac.uk/~pjw/loonies/ ***
*** ***
*******************Internet Goddess********************
**********************ANDROMEDA************************
------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------
Thursday
8:00am
New guy (Marvin) started today. "Nice plaids" I offer. Show
him Server room, wiring closet, and technical library. Set
him up with IBM PC-XT. Tell him to quit whining, Notes runs
the same in both monochrome and color.
8:45am
New guy's PC finishes booting up. Tell him I'll create new
ID for him. Set minimum password length to 64. Go grab
smoke.
9:30am
Introduce Louie the custodian to Marvin. Nice plaids Louie
comments. Is this guy great or what?!
11:00am
Beat Louie in dominos game. Louie leaves. Fish spare dominos
out of sleeves (Always have backups). User calls, says
Accounting server is down. Untie Ethernet cable from radio
antenna (better reception) and plug back into hub. Tell
user to try again. Another happy customer!
11:55am
Brief Marvin on Corporate Policy 98.022.01: Whereas all new
employees beginning on days ending in 'Y' shall enjoy all
proper aspects with said corporation, said employee is
obligated to provide substance and relief to senior
technical analyst on shift.
Marvin doubts. I point to Corporate Policy database (a fine
piece of work, if I say so myself!). Remember, that's DOUBLE
pepperoni and NO peppers! I yell to Marvin as he steps over
open floor tile to get to exit door.
1:00pm
Oooooh! Pizza makes me so sleepy...
4:30pm
Wake from refreshing nap. Catch Marvin scanning want ads.
5:00pm
Shift change. Flick HR's server off and on several times
(just testing the On/Off button...). See ya tomorrow.
Friday
8:00am
Night shift still trying to replace power supply in HR
server. Told them it worked fine before I left.
9:00am
Marvin still not here. Decide I might start answering these
calls myself. Unforward phones from Mailroom.
9:02am
Yep. A user call. Users in Des Moines can't replicate. Me
and the Oiuji board determine it's sunspots. Tell them to
call telecommunications.
9:30am
Good God, another user! They're like ants. Says he's in San
Diego and can't replicate with Des Moines. Tell him it's
sunspots, but with a two-hour difference. Suggest he reset
the time on the server back two hours.
10:17am
Pensacola calls. Says they can't route mail to San Diego.
Tell them to set server ahead three hours.
11:00am
E-mail from corporate says for everybody to quit resetting
the time on their servers. I change the date stamp and
forward it to Milwaukee.
11:20am
Finish @CoffeeMake macro. Put phone back on hook.
11:23am
Milwaukee calls, asks what day it is.
11:25am
Support manager stops by to say Marvin called in to quit. So
hard to get good help... I respond. Support manager says he
has appointment with orthopedic doctor this afternoon, and
asks if I mind sitting in on the weekly department head
meeting for him. No problem!
11:30am
Call Louie and tell him opportunity knocks and he's invited
to a meeting this afternoon. Yeah, sure. You can bring your
snuff I tell him.
12:00am
Lunch.
1:00pm
Start full backups on UNIX server. Route them to device NULL
to make them fast.
1:03pm
Full weekly backups done. Man, I love modern technology!
2:30pm
Look in support manager's contact management database.
Cancel 2:45pm appointment for him. He really should be at
home resting, you know.
2:39pm
New user calls. Says want to learn how to create a
connection document. Tell them to run connection document
utility CTRL-ALT-DEL. Says PC rebooted. Tell them to call
microsupport.
2:50pm
Support manager calls to say mixup at doctor's office means
appointment cancelled. Says he's just going to go on home.
Ask him if he's seen corporate Web page lately.
3:00pm
Another (novice) user calls. Says periodic macro not
working. Suggest they place @DeleteDocument at end of
formula. Promise to send them document addendum which says
so.
4:00pm
Finish changing foreground color in all documents to white.
Also set point size to 2 in help databases.
4:30pm
User calls to say they can't see anything in documents. Tell
them to go to view, do a Edit -- Select All, hit delete key,
and then refresh. Promise to send them document addendum
which says so.
4:45pm
Another user calls. Says they can't read help documents.
Tell them I'll fix it. Hang up. Change font to Wingdings.
4:58pm
Plug coffee maker into Ethernet hub to see what happens. Not
(too) much.
5:00pm
Night shift shows up. Tell that the hub is acting funny and
to have a good weekend. Cheers
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