The Loony Bin
(
andrea@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk
)
3 Mar 1998 19:25:27 -0000
This Message Is Sponsored By: ListBot Get a free mailing list for your web site! Visit http://www.listbot.com/ today. Hiya Loonies, Welcome those of you who have found their way to our new home, I'm sure more will be along shortly. Here's the first joke, let's hope it's one of many. Wishes & Dreams... - ANDREA xx ******************************************************* ******************************************************* *** *** *** THE LOONY BIN *** *** loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk *** *** Archive: http://eleceng.ukc.ac.uk/~pjw/loonies/ *** *** *** *******************Internet Goddess******************** **********************ANDROMEDA************************ ------- Forwarded foolishness follows ------- Actual Business Signs ===================== On an Electrician's truck: "Let us remove your shorts." Outside a Radiator Repair Shop: "Best place in town to take a leak." In a Non-smoking area: "If we see you smoking we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action." On Maternity Room door: "Push, Push, Push." On a Front Door: "Everyone on the premises is a vegetarian except the dog." At an Optometrist's Office: "If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place." On a Scientist's door: "Gone Fission" On a Taxidermist's window: "We really know our stuff." In a Podiatrist's window: "Time wounds all heels." On a Butcher's window: "Let me meat your needs." On another Butcher's window: "Pleased to meat you." At a Used Car Lot: "Second Hand cars in first crash condition." On a fence: "Salesmen welcome. Dog food is expensive." At a Car Dealership: "The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment." Outside a Muffler Shop: "No appointment necessary. We'll hear you coming." Outside a Hotel: "Help! We need inn-experienced people." At an Auto Body Shop: "May we have the next dents?" In a Dry Cleaner's Emporium: "Drop your pants here." On a desk in a Reception Room: "We shoot every 3rd salesman, and the 2nd one just left." In a Veterinarian's waiting room: "Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!" On a Music Teacher's door: "Out Chopin." At the Electric Company: "We would be delighted if you send in your bill. However, if you don't, you will be." In a Beauty Shop: "Dye now!" On the side of a Garbage Truck: "We've got what it takes to take what you've got." (Burglars please copy.) On the door of a Computer Store: "Out for a quick byte." In a Restaurant window: "Don't stand there and be hungry, come in and get fed up." Inside a Bowling Alley: "Please be quiet. We need to hear a pin drop." In a Cafeteria: "Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria. Socks can eat any place they want." On the door of a Music Library: "Bach in a minuet." In the front yard of a Funeral Home: "Drive carefully, we'll wait." In a Counselor's office: "Growing old is mandatory. Growing wise is optional." ----------------------------------------------------------------- This message was sent via ListBot. To remove yourself from this list, please visit http://www.listbot.com/remove.html -----------------------------------------------------------------