The Loony Bin
(
loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk
)
2 Apr 1998 01:39:14 -0000
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Hiya All..
We've had a small handful of these a couple of years ago, but
here's a more definative collection...
Wishes & Dreams...
- ANDREA
xx
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*******************************************************
*** ***
*** THE LOONY BIN ***
*** loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk ***
*** Archive: http://eleceng.ukc.ac.uk/~pjw/loonies/ ***
*** ***
*******************Internet Goddess********************
**********************ANDROMEDA************************
------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------
Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?
A: Trustworthy.
Q: Why are men like commercials?
A: You can't believe a word they say.
Q: Why are men like popcorn?
A: They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
Q: What's a man's definition of a romantic evening?
A: Sex.
Q: What is the only time a man thinks about a candlelight
dinner?
A: When the power goes off.
Q: What do men and women have in common?
A: They both distrust men.
Q: How can you tell the difference between men's real gifts and
their guilt gifts?
A: Guilt gifts are nicer.
Q: What do you instantly know about a well-dressed man?
A: His wife is good at picking out clothes.
Q: How is a man like the weather?
A: Nothing can be done to change either one of them.
Q: What is the difference between a man and childbirth?
A: One can be terribly painful and sometimes almost unbearable
while the other is giving birth.
Q: What is the difference between a single 40-year-old woman and
a single 40-year-old man?
A: The 40-year-old woman thinks often of having children and the
man thinks often about dating them.
Q: Women dream of world peace, a safe environment, and
eliminating hunger. What do men dream of?
A: Being stuck in an elevator with the Doublemint twins.
Q: What do you call a man who expects to have sex on the second
date?
A: Slow.
Q: What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in
common?
A: They're married.
Q: What do most men think Mutual Orgasm is?
A: An insurance company.
Q: Why don't men often show their true feelings?
A: Because they don't have any.
Q: How are men like noodles?
A: They're always in hot water, they lack taste, and they need
dough.
Q: Why are men and spray paint alike?
A: One squeeze and they're all over you.
Q: Why is food better than men?
A: Because you don't have to wait an hour for seconds.
Q: Why would women be better off if men treated them like cars?
A: At least then they would get a little attention every 6
months or 5000 miles, whichever came first.
Q: Why do men have a hole in their penis?
A: So oxygen can get to their brains.
Q: What do ceramic tile and men have in common?
A: If you lay them right the first time, you can walk on them
for life!
Q: How do you grow your own dope?
A: Plant a man.
Q: How are all men multiorgasmic?
A: They have one small one while having sex with "their"
woman....and a second, much bigger one the next day while
telling their buddies about it.
Q: What about the man who saw the sign "Drink Canada Dry"?
A: He moved there.
Q: What does a woman do with her asshole before having sex?
A: She drops him off at the golfcourse.
Q: How do you get a man to do situps?
A: Put the remote control between his toes
Q: What do men consider housecleaning?
A: Lifting their feet so you can vacuum under them
Q: How do you save a man from drowning?
A: Take your foot off his head
Q: What do men consider a 7 course meal?
A: A hotdog and a six pack of beer
Q: How does a man change a roll of toilet paper?
A: No one knows - we've never seen it done!
Q: Why is it good that there are women astronauts?
A: So that when the crew gets lost in space, at least the women
will ask for directions.
Q: How can you tell if a man is excited?
A: He's breathing
Q: How do men exercise on the beach?
A: By sucking in their stomach every time a bikini goes by
Q: What do men consider foreplay?
A: Half an hour of begging
Q: How can you tell if a man is happy?
A: Who cares???
Q: What are two reasons why men don't mind their own business?
A: 1. No mind.
2. No business.
Q: If men got pregnant....
A: Abortion would be available in convenience stores and drive-
through windows.
Q: Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive,
caring, and good-looking?
A: Because they already have boyfriends.
Q: Did you hear about the man who won the gold medal at the
Olympics?
A: He had it bronzed.
Q: How do some men define Roe vs. Wade?
A: Two ways to cross a river.
Q: What is gross stupidity?
A: 144 men in one room.
Q: What is a man's view of safe sex?
A: A padded headboard.
Q: How do men sort their laundry?
A: "Filthy" and "Filthy but Wearable".
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