Medical Mysteries...

The Loony Bin ( )
Thu, 19 Feb 1998 18:52:52 +0000

Hiya Loonies...

Here are some medical reports with difference...sent in by Alan...

Wishes & Dreams...


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  ------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------


Here are some quotes taken from actual medical records dictated by
physicians.  They appeared in a column written by Richard Lederer,
Ph.D., for the Journal of Court Reporting.

* By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was
  feeling better.

* Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

* The patient states there is a burning pain in his penis which goes to
  his feet.

* On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it had
  completely disappeared.

* She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she
  was very hot in bed last night.

* The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1983.

* I will be happy to go into her GI system; she seems ready and anxious.

* Patient was released to outpatient department without dressing. I have
  suggested that he loosen his pants before standing, and then, when he
  stands with the help of his wife, they should fall to the floor.

* The patient is tearful and crying constantly.  She also appears to be

* Discharge status:  Alive but without permission. The patient will need
  disposition, and therefore we will get Dr. Blank to dispose of him.

* Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year-old male, mentally alert but 

* The patient refused an autopsy.

* The patient has no past history of suicides.

* The patient expired on the floor uneventfully.

* Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.

* Patient was becoming more demented with urinary frequency.

* The patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant
  with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.

* She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate
  directions in early December.

* The patient experienced sudden onset of severe shortness of breath 
  with a picture of acute pulmonary edema at home while having sex which 
  gradually deteriorated in the emergency room.

* The patient left the hospital feeling much better except for her
  original complaints.