The Loony Bin
(
loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk
)
Thu, 19 Feb 1998 18:52:52 +0000
Hiya Loonies...
Here are some medical reports with difference...sent in by Alan...
Wishes & Dreams...
- ANDREA
xx
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**********************ANDROMEDA************************
------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------
MEDICAL MYSTERIES
Here are some quotes taken from actual medical records dictated by
physicians. They appeared in a column written by Richard Lederer,
Ph.D., for the Journal of Court Reporting.
* By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was
feeling better.
* Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
* The patient states there is a burning pain in his penis which goes to
his feet.
* On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it had
completely disappeared.
* She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she
was very hot in bed last night.
* The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1983.
* I will be happy to go into her GI system; she seems ready and anxious.
* Patient was released to outpatient department without dressing. I have
suggested that he loosen his pants before standing, and then, when he
stands with the help of his wife, they should fall to the floor.
* The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be
depressed.
* Discharge status: Alive but without permission. The patient will need
disposition, and therefore we will get Dr. Blank to dispose of him.
* Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year-old male, mentally alert but
forgetful.
* The patient refused an autopsy.
* The patient has no past history of suicides.
* The patient expired on the floor uneventfully.
* Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.
* Patient was becoming more demented with urinary frequency.
* The patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant
with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.
* She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate
directions in early December.
* The patient experienced sudden onset of severe shortness of breath
with a picture of acute pulmonary edema at home while having sex which
gradually deteriorated in the emergency room.
* The patient left the hospital feeling much better except for her
original complaints.
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