The Loony Bin
(
loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk
)
Tue, 16 Sep 1997 14:27:35 -0400 (EDT)
Hiya Loonies...
Here are some more of the things kids say...
Wishes & Dreams...
- ANDREA
xx
Please do not reply to the loonies@coollist.com address.
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***<andrea@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk>****<ajc6@ukc.ac.uk>***
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*** THE LOONY BIN ***
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*******************Internet Goddess********************
**********************ANDROMEDA************************
------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------
Dear G-D,
In school they told us what You do. Who does it when You are on
vacation?
-Jane
Dear G-D,
Are you really invisible or is that just a trick?
-Lucy
Dear G-D,
Is it true my father won't get in Heaven if he uses his bowling words in
the house?
-Anita
Dear G-D,
Did you mean for the giraffe to look like that or was it an accident?
-Norma
Dear G-D,
Instead of letting people die and having to make new ones, why don't You
just keep the ones You have now?
-Jane
Dear G-D,
Who draws the lines around the countries?
-Nan
Dear G-D,
I went to this wedding and they kissed right in church. Is that okay?
-Neil
Dear G-D,
What does it mean You are a Jealous G-D? I thought You had everything.
-Jane
Dear G-D,
Did you really mean "do unto others as they do unto you"? Because if you
did, then I'm going to fix my brother!
-Darla
Dear G-D,
Thank you for the baby brother, but what I prayed for was a puppy.
-Joyce
Dear G-D,
It rained for our whole vacation and is my father mad! He said some
things about You that people are not supposed to say, but I hope You
will not hurt him anyway.
-Your friend (But I am not going to tell you who I am)
Dear G-D,
Why is Sunday school on Sunday? I thought it was supposed to be our day
of rest.
-Tom L.
Dear G-D, Please send me a pony. I never asked for anything before, You
can look it up. -Bruce
Dear G-D,
If You give me a genie lamp like Aladdin, I will give you anything you
want except my money or my chess set.
-Raphael
Dear G-D,
My brother is a rat. You should give him a tail. Ha ha.
-Danny
Dear G-D,
Maybe Cain and Abel would not kill each other so much if they had their
own rooms. It works with my brother.
-Larry
Dear G-D,
I want to be just like my Daddy when I get big but not with so much hair
all over.
-Sam
Dear G-D,
I think the stapler is one of your greatest inventions.
-Ruth M.
Dear G-D,
I bet it is very hard for You to love all of everybody in the whole
world. There are only 4 people in our family and I can never do it.
-Nan
Dear G-D,
If You watch me in church Sunday, I'll show You my new shoes.
-Mickey D.
Dear G-D,
I would like to live 900 years like the guy in the Bible.
Love, Chris
Dear G-D,
We read Thomas Edison made light. But in school they said You did it.
So I bet he stoled your idea.
Sincerely, Donna
The below is from an actual newspaper contest where entrants, age 4 to
15, were asked to submit their thoughts about deep thoughts.
I believe you should live each day as if it is your last, which is why I
don't have any clean laundery because, come on, who wants to wash
clothes on the last day of thier life -- Age 15
Give me the strength to change the things I can, the grace to accept the
things I cannot, and a great big bag of money -- Age 13
It sure would be nice if we got a day off for the president's birthday,
like they do for the queen, Of course, we would have a lot of people
voting for a candidate born on July 3 or December 26, just for the long
weekends -- Age 8
Democracy is a beautiful thing, except for that part about letting just
any old yokel vote -- Age 10
I bet living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween
-- Age 13
I oftern wonder how come John Tesh isn't as popular a singer as some
people think he should be. Then, I remember its because he sucks
-- Age 15
For centuries, people thought the moon was made of green cheese. Then
the astronauts found that the moon is really a big hard rock. That's
what happens to cheese when you leave it out -- Age 6
My young brother asked me what happens after we die. I told him we get
buried under a bunch of dirt and worms eat our bodies. I guess I should
have told him the truth--that most of us go to hell and burn eternally--
but I didn't want to upset him -- age 10
I gaze at the brilliant full moon. The same one, I think to myself, at
which Socrates, Aristotole and Plato gazed. Suddenly, I imagine they
appear beside me. I tell Socrates about the national debate over one's
right to die and wonder at the constancy of the human condition. I tell
Plato that I live in the country that has come the closest to Utopia,
and I show him a copy of the Constitution. I tell Aristotle that we have
found many more than four basic elements and I show a periodic table. I
get a box of kitchen matches and strike one. They gasp with wonder. We
spend the rest of the night lighting farts. -- Age 15
When I go to heaven I want to see my grandfather again. But he better
have lost the nose hair and the old-man smell -- Age 5
I once heard the voice of G-D. It said "Vrrrrmmmmm." Unless it was just
a lawn mower -- Age 11
I don't know about you, but I enjoy watching paint dry. I imagine that
the wet paint is a big freshwater lake that is the only source of water
for some tiny cities by the lake. As the lake gets drier, the population
gets more desperate, and sometimes there are water riots. Once there was
a big fire and everyone died -- Age 13
I like to go down to the dog pound and pretend that I've found my dog.
Then I tell them to kill it anyway because I already gave away all of
his stuff. dog people sure don't have a sense of humor -- Age 14
As you make your way through this hectic world of ours, set aside a few
minutes each day. At the end of the year, you'll have a couple of days
saved up --Age 7
Often, when I'm reading a good book, I stop and thank my teacher. That
is, I used to, until she got an unlisted number -- Age 15
It would be terrible if the Red Cross Bloodmobile got into an accident.
No, wait. That would be good because if anyone needed it, the blood
would be right there -- Age 5
Think of the biggest number you can. Now add five. Then, imagine if you
had that many Twinkies. Wow, thats five more than the biggest number you
could come up with -- Age 6
The only stupid question is the one that is never asked, except maybe
"Don't you think its about time you audited my return?" or "Isn't it
morally wrong to give a warning when, in fact, I was speeding?" Age 15
Once, I wept for I had no shoes, then I came upon a man who had no feet,
so I took his shoes. I mean. it's not like he needed them, right?
-- Age 15
If we could just get everyone to close their eyes and visualize world
peace for an hour, just imagine how serene it would be until the looting
started -- Age 15
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