Darwin Awards...

The Loony Bin ( loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk )
Wed, 27 Aug 1997 01:54:33 +0100


Hiya All...

Alan sends us news of some new Darwin Award winners...

Wishes & Dreams...

- ANDREA
        xx

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**********************ANDROMEDA************************

  ------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------

A new "Darwin Award" with dual winners......

As you may already know, the Darwin award is awarded to those members of
the human race that do the most to contribute to the gene pool by
killing themselves.

John Pernicky and friend Sal Hawkins, of the great state of Washington,
decided to attend a local Metallica concert at the Amphitheater at
Gorge, Washington. 

Having no tickets (but 18 beers among them) they sat in the parking lot
and after finishing the beer, decided that it would be easy enough to
hop over the nine foot high fence and sneak into the show. The two
friends pulled their pickup truck over to the fence and the plan was for
John -- 100 pounds heavier than Sal -- to hop over, and then assist his
friend over the fence. 

Unfortunately for John, there was a 30 foot drop on the other side of
the fence. Having heaved himself over he found himself crashing through
a tree. His fall was abruptly halted by a large branch which snagged him
by his shorts. Dangling from the tree, with one arm broken, John looked
down and saw a group of bushes below him. Figuring the bushes would
break his fall, John removed his pocket knife and proceeded to cut away
his shorts to free himself from the tree. 

When finally free, John crashed below into holly bushes. The sharp
leaves scratched his entire body and now being without his shorts he was
the unwilling victim of a holly branch penetrating his rectal cavity. To
make matters worse, his pocket knife proceeded to fall with him and
landed three inches into his left thigh. 

Seeing his friend inconsiderable pain and agony, Sal decided to throw
him a rope and pull him to safety. However, weighing about 100 pounds
less, he decided the best course of action would be to tie the rope to
the pickup truck. 

This is when things went from bad to worse. In his drunken state, Sal
put the truck into the wrong gear and proceeded to press on the gas and
crashed through the fence, landing on and killing his friend. Sal was
thrown from the truck, suffered massive internal injuries and also died
at the scene. 

Police arrived to find a pickup truck with its driver thrown 100 feet
from the vehicle and upon moving the truck, a half naked man, with
numerous scratches, a holly stick up his rectum, a knife in his thigh,
and a pair of shorts dangling from the tree branches 25 feet in the air.