The Loony Bin
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loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk
)
Wed, 30 Jul 1997 19:04:05 +0100
Hiya Folks... Here are some more strange news stories from Alan... Wishes & Dreams... - ANDREA xx ***<andrea@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk>****<ajc6@ukc.ac.uk>*** ***<bloodaxe@geocities.com>***<bloodaxe@bigfoot.com>*** *** *** *** THE LOONY BIN *** *** loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk *** *** Archive: http://eleceng.ukc.ac.uk/~pjw/loonies/ *** *** *** *******************Internet Goddess******************** **********************ANDROMEDA************************ ------- Forwarded foolishness follows ------- LEAD STORIES * In May in Santa Fe, N. Mex., schoolteacher Roger Katz, 50, was sentenced to 18 months in prison for having sex with a 14-year-old female student. He was convicted despite his compelling explanation that had fallen in love with her after she saved him in a previous life (Tibet, 640 A.D.) when she, then older than he, had stepped in front of an arrow meant for him. Said Katz's attorney Aaron Wolf, "I hope my daughters find men who love them as much as he loves her." * In the British elections in April, the usual fringe parties were in evidence, such as the "Blackhaired, Medium-Build Caucasian Party," but the longest-standing alternative, the Monster Raving Loony Party, ran the most candidates. Its main platform plank this year was to tow Britain 500 miles into the Mediterranean Sea in order to improve the country's climate, and 50 other MRLP candidates for various offices made proposals such as requiring dogs to eat phosphorescent food so that pedestrians could more easily avoid stepping in their poops. * Unclear on the Concept: In January, Bamrer Pong-insee, a spokesman for the Professional Comedians Association of Thailand, said its members will soon be prohibited by rule from being impolite on stage. Especially barred are obscene language, physical humor in which pain is implied, and being disrespectful to a colleague's parents. SEEDS OF OUR DESTRUCTION * The New York Times reported in February on the extraordinary worthlessness of Zairian currency (denominated in "zaires"), noting that the new 100,000-zaire notes, worth about 66 cents at that time, were so undesirable to hold as cash that they were called "prostates" -- after the terminal cancer with which the widely-disliked President Mobutu has been stricken. * The Providence (R.I.) Phoenix newspaper reported in February that the latest fad at Providence College is handcuff parties, where men and women are randomly cuffed and must accompany each other the rest of the evening, no matter what (even for restroom breaks). At nearby Brown University, whose legendary concern about gender equality would rule out such symbolic ownership, the fad is "naked" parties at which there is virtually no sexual activity. * In Mill Valley, Calif., in March, tenth-grader Ari Hoffman, who had just won first place in the Marin County science fair for his study finding that exposure to radiation decreased the offspring of fruit flies, was disqualified for cruelty when it was learned that about 35 of his 200 flies died during the three-month experiment. Hoffman was disappointed because he had used extraordinary efforts to keep the flies alive by, for example, maintaining a tropical temperature for the flies during the entire experiment. * The New York Times reported in February that despite the troubles in Serbia, business was thriving for a transvestite fortune teller named "Kleo Patra," 36, who charges about $80 a session (a month's salary for the average Serbian) and includes as a client Mrs. Sloboban Milosevic, whose husband Mr. Patra supports. A week before the great winter flooding in the Ohio Valley and two months before the North Dakota floods, Mr. Patra predicted the U. S.'s future was rosy except for impending floods. * As of February, about 1,500 prisoners in four Bolivian jails were participating in hunger strikes to protest delays in getting to trial on drug-trafficking charges. To improve their chances of sticking to the strike, several prisoners in San Pedro jail in La Paz sutured their lips together. * American William Ping Chen was sentenced to 10 years in prison in January in Shanghai, China, for smuggling. Though the reason was not explained, Chen had tried to bring 238 tons of medical waste and ordinary garbage into the country by labeling it paper. CULTURAL DIVERSITY * A Crime Waiting to Happen: In February, in Sirnak, Turkey, thieves stole the 210 pairs of shoes left by entering worshipers outside the Vali Kamil Acun mosque. * In January, in Bangkok, Thailand, Wien Sudpleum, eight months' pregnant, crawled under the belly of an elephant three times, which is supposed to bring good luck in her delivery. However, the third time she was gored. The owner agreed to pay her about $240 compensation, but it was not reported whether the baby survived. * In January, American long-distance hot-air balloonist Steve Fossett had to set down in the village of Nunkhar, India, well short of his around-the-world goal. However, according to media reports, villagers were very helpful and friendly despite their first impression of him, which was awe, because they thought this descending figure was the second coming of their monkey god Hanuman, arriving in a space-station temple. * In February, Judge Salamo Injia ruled in Papua New Guinea that a quaint custom among some tribes in the south of the country -- the use of young girls and women as a medium of currency to pass from one tribe to another -- was illegal. Miriam Willingal, 18, had been sent, with another woman plus some pigs and some cash, to compensate a neighboring tribe for a shooting death. UPDATE * In 1995 News of the Weird reported that some New York City dermatologists were offering a treatment to reduce facial wrinkles by injections of the bacteria that causes often-fatal botulism, in order to deaden the tissue. The New York Observer reported in May 1997 that some of those dermatologists now tout a side-effect of the $800 treatment: that it so deadens the forehead that it prevents scowling, which some patients say is a benefit to keeping a "poker face" during business negotiations. BOTTOM OF THE GENE POOL * Derrick L. Richardson, 28, was charged in April in Minneapolis with third-degree murder in the death of his beloved cousin, Ken E. Richardson. According to police, Derrick suggested a game of Russian roulette and put a semiautomatic pistol to Ken's head instead of a revolver. (For the gun-unschooled: There is much less mystery to the game if played with a semiautomatic, in which the one bullet automatically goes to the firing chamber.) 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