The Loony Bin
(
loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk
)
Wed, 30 Jul 1997 18:49:02 +0100
Hiya People...
Just see the trouble that euphemisms can cause...
Wishes & Dreams...
- ANDREA
xx
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*******************Internet Goddess********************
**********************ANDROMEDA************************
------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------
The Yuppie couple was entertaining his much older boss and wife, and
trying to make a really good impression on them. Their converstation
was sprinkled with lots of "No Sir" and "Yes Sir". The wife was
using her very best recipes, her heirloom tablecloth, their wedding
gift china, silver and wine glasses, and finest table manners.
Halfway through the meal, the couple's six year old son, who had not
said a word unless spoken to throughout the evening, said, "I HAVE TO
URINATE, MAY I BE EXCUSED?"
The older couple stiffened and glanced at each other. The Yuppie Dad
blanched. The Yuppie Mom answered weakly, "Yes", excused herself as
well, and got up from the table to go out with the boy. In the
adjoining hallway Mom gently admonished the boy by saying, "Son, we
have always told you to use proper names for your body parts and
functions, but there are times when you should use a euphemism."
"What's a euphemism?", he questioned.
"A euphemism is the substituting of an agreeable expression for one
that might be offensive to the company you find yourself in at that
time. For instance, your father and I are really trying to make a
good impression on your father's boss because it is time for yearly
reviews at your father's work and we need a raise badly. In a
situation where the correct choice of your words might offend someone,
use an expression that is sure to not offend. It can even be like a
*code* that the person to whom you are speaking will understand, but
any others who might overhear will not. For instance, if this ever
happens again, you might say, 'I need to sing a song.' and we will
understand what you want and excuse you."
"OK, Mom. I'm sorry." and he trots on off to the bathroom.
That weekend, the boy goes to visit his grandparents who live in an
old family place on the farm. At nightfall, he finds himself sleeping
between his grandfather and grandmother in an equally old bed. During
the night, he awakens and whispers to his grandmother, "Grandma, I
need to sing a song."
"Shh, not now, you'll wake up your Grandpa," she whispers.
"But Grandma, I really need to sing a song," he insists, whispering a
bit louder.
"Ssshhhh!, No son. You will wake up your Grandpa and he has worked
hard all day."
"But Grandma, I REALLY DO HAVE TO SING A SONG," he insists.
Quietly, she answers in her best grandmother voice, "OK, if you must.
But do it very quietly . . . . right here in my ear."