High Tech Jargon...

The Loony Bin ( loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk )
Tue, 1 Apr 1997 19:06:40 +0100


Hiya People...

Here's what the jargon really means...

Wishes & Dreams...

- ANDREA
        xx

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  ------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------


High Tech Computer Sales Jargon

* NEW -                        Different color from previous design

* ALL NEW -                    Parts not interchangable with previous 
                               design

* EXCLUSIVE -                  Imported product

* UNMATCHED -                  Almost as good as the competition

* DESIGNED SIMPLICITY -        Manufacturer's cost cut to the bone

* FOOLPROOF OPERATION -        No provision for adjustments

* ADVANCED DESIGN -            The advertising agency doesn't understand 
                               it

* IT'S HERE AT LAST! -         Rush job; Nobody knew it was coming

* FIELD-TESTED -               Manufacturer lacks test equipment

* HIGH ACCURACY -              Unit on which all parts fit

* DIRECT SALES ONLY -          Factory had big argument with distributor

* YEARS OF DEVELOPMENT -       We finally got one that works

* REVOLUTIONARY -              It's different from our competitiors

* BREAKTHROUGH -               We finally figured out a way to sell it

* FUTURISTIC -                 No other reason why it looks the way it 
                               does

* DISTINCTIVE -                A different shape and color than the 
                               others

* MAINTENANCE-FREE -           Impossible to fix

* RE-DESIGNED -                Previous faults corrected, we hope...

* HAND-CRAFTED -               Assembly machines operated without gloves 
                               on

* PERFORMANCE PROVEN -         Will operate through the warranty period

* MEETS ALL STANDARDS -        Ours, not yours

* ALL SOLID-STATE -            Weighs a ton!

* BROADCAST QUALITY -          Gives a picture and produces noise

* HIGH RELIABILITY -           We made it work long enough to ship it

* SMPTE BUS COMPATABILE -      When completed, will be shipped by 
                               Greyhound bus

* NEW GENERATION -             Old design failed, maybe this one will 
                               work

* MIL-SPEC COMPONENTS -        We got a good deal at a government 
                               auction

* CUSTOMER SERVICE 
  ACROSS THE COUNTRY -         You can return it from most airports

* UNPRECEDENTED PERFORMANCE -  Nothing we ever had before worked THIS 
                               way

* BUILT TO 
  PRECISION TOLERANCES -       We finally got it to fit together

* SATISFACTION GUARANTEED -    Manufacturer's, upon cashing your check

* MICROPROCESSOR CONTROLLED -  Does things we can't explain

* AEROSPACE TECHNOLOGY -       One of our techs was laid off by Boeing