The Loony Bin
(
loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk
)
Tue, 1 Apr 1997 19:06:40 +0100
Hiya People... Here's what the jargon really means... Wishes & Dreams... - ANDREA xx ***<andrea@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk>****<ajc6@ukc.ac.uk>*** ***<bloodaxe@geocities.com>***<bloodaxe@bigfoot.com>*** *** *** *** THE LOONY BIN *** *** loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk *** *** Archive: http://eleceng.ukc.ac.uk/~pjw/loonies/ *** *** *** *******************Internet Goddess******************** **********************ANDROMEDA************************ ------- Forwarded foolishness follows ------- High Tech Computer Sales Jargon * NEW - Different color from previous design * ALL NEW - Parts not interchangable with previous design * EXCLUSIVE - Imported product * UNMATCHED - Almost as good as the competition * DESIGNED SIMPLICITY - Manufacturer's cost cut to the bone * FOOLPROOF OPERATION - No provision for adjustments * ADVANCED DESIGN - The advertising agency doesn't understand it * IT'S HERE AT LAST! - Rush job; Nobody knew it was coming * FIELD-TESTED - Manufacturer lacks test equipment * HIGH ACCURACY - Unit on which all parts fit * DIRECT SALES ONLY - Factory had big argument with distributor * YEARS OF DEVELOPMENT - We finally got one that works * REVOLUTIONARY - It's different from our competitiors * BREAKTHROUGH - We finally figured out a way to sell it * FUTURISTIC - No other reason why it looks the way it does * DISTINCTIVE - A different shape and color than the others * MAINTENANCE-FREE - Impossible to fix * RE-DESIGNED - Previous faults corrected, we hope... * HAND-CRAFTED - Assembly machines operated without gloves on * PERFORMANCE PROVEN - Will operate through the warranty period * MEETS ALL STANDARDS - Ours, not yours * ALL SOLID-STATE - Weighs a ton! * BROADCAST QUALITY - Gives a picture and produces noise * HIGH RELIABILITY - We made it work long enough to ship it * SMPTE BUS COMPATABILE - When completed, will be shipped by Greyhound bus * NEW GENERATION - Old design failed, maybe this one will work * MIL-SPEC COMPONENTS - We got a good deal at a government auction * CUSTOMER SERVICE ACROSS THE COUNTRY - You can return it from most airports * UNPRECEDENTED PERFORMANCE - Nothing we ever had before worked THIS way * BUILT TO PRECISION TOLERANCES - We finally got it to fit together * SATISFACTION GUARANTEED - Manufacturer's, upon cashing your check * MICROPROCESSOR CONTROLLED - Does things we can't explain * AEROSPACE TECHNOLOGY - One of our techs was laid off by Boeing