Quotes...

The Loony Bin ( loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk )
Thu, 20 Feb 1997 17:59:47 +0000


Hiya Loonies...

Here are some great quotes from comedians...

Wishes & Dreams...

- ANDREA
        xx

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  ------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------

Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you?
But when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window!
              Steve Bluestone

Have you ever noticed....  Anybody going slower than you is an idiot,
and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
              George Carlin

You have to stay in shape.  My grandmother, she started walking five
miles a day when she was 60.  She's 97 today and we don't know where the
hell she is.
              Ellen DeGeneris

I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage.
They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
              Rita Rudner

I would love to speak a foreign language but I can't.  So I grew hair
under my arms instead.
              Sue Kolinsky

I'm not into working out.  My philosophy:  No pain, no pain.
              Carol Leifer

I have a great diet.  You're allowed to eat anything you want, but you
must eat it with naked fat people.
              Ed Bluestone

The second day of a diet is always easier than the first.  By the second
day you're off it.
              Jackie Gleason

I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, "I'd like some fries."  The
girl at the counter said, "Would you like some fries with that?"
              Jay Leno

I date this girl for two years -- and then the nagging starts: "I wanna
know your name..."
              Mike Binder

Advertising:  The science of arresting the human intelligence long
enough to get money from it.
              Stephen Leacock

The reason most people play golf is to wear clothes they would not be
caught dead in otherwise.
              Roger Simon

You have a cough?  Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax, tomorrow
you'll be afraid to cough.
              Pearl Williams

I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
              Dave Edison

If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by
candlelight.
              George Gobel

Don't spend two dollars to dry clean a shirt.  Donate it to the
Salvation Army instead.  They'll clean it and put it on a hanger.  Next
morning buy it back for seventy-five cents.
              Billiam Coronel