The Loony Bin
(
loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk
)
Tue, 24 Dec 1996 18:32:18 +0000
Hiya All...
Apple are making a change in marketing...
Wishes & Dreams...
- ANDREA
xx
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*******************Internet Goddess********************
**********************ANDROMEDA************************
------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------
CUPERTINO, CA - (AP) Apple Computers today announced it was abandoning
the computer market claiming "it was just too hard". The announcement
shocked industry analysts and consumers alike. CEO Gilbert Amelio said
he was "tired" and "just wanted to take a nap."
Instead, Apple plans to go into the pet business, selling puppies and
kittens. New Vice President of marketing Willy Gates (pronounced Gah-
tee-s) suggested the move citing research that suggested people like
puppies much more than computers. Apple will be releasing a beta version
of the pets next quarter. The delay has been blamed on some "accidents"
in the labs.
At a press conference Gates said that Amelio was unavailable for comment
and asked that the reporters be quiet, as he has just tucked the CEO
into bed. The stock price had dropped to $1.09 per share at the end of
yesterday's trading.
In related news Microsoft announced it was releasing WinDogs-PP. Which
won't have as many features as Apple's product, but is expected to sell
more. WinDogs-PP is not compatible with Apple's dishes, toys and
leashes.
A spokesperson from Xerox commented that they had developed pet products
years ago, but "hid them away".