PC pigs...

The Loony Bin ( loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk )
Mon, 9 Dec 1996 01:06:29 +0000


Hiya Loonies...

Here are the 3 Little Pigs - 90s version...

Wishes & Dreams...

- ANDREA
        xx

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**********************ANDROMEDA************************

  ------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------

From: Politically Correct Fairy Tales - Author Unknown

Once there were 3 little pigs who lived together in mutual respect and
in harmony with their environment. Using materials that were indigenous
to the area they each built a beautiful house. 

One pig built a house of straw, one a house of sticks, and one a house
of dung, clay and creeper vines shaped into bricks and baked in a small
kiln. When they were finished, the pigs were satisfied with their work
and settled back to live in peace and self-determination.

But their idyll was soon shattered. 

One day, along came a big, bad wolf with expansionist ideas. 

He saw the pigs and grew very hungry in both a physical and ideological
sense. 

When the pigs saw the wolf, they ran into the house of straw. The wolf
ran up to the house and banged on the door, shouting, "Little pigs,
little pigs, let me in!"

The pigs shouted back, "Your gunboat tactics hold no fear for pigs
defending their homes and culture."

But the wolf wasn't to be denied what he thought was his manifest
destiny. So he huffed and puffed and blew down the house of straw. The
frightened pigs ran to the house of sticks, with the wolf in hot
pursuit. 

Where the house had stood, other wolves bought up the land and started a
banana plantation.

At the house of sticks, the wolf again banged on the door and shouted,
"Little, pigs, little pigs, let me in!"

The pigs shouted back, "Go to hell, you carnivorous, imperialistic
oppressor!"

At this the wolf huffed and puffed and blew down the house of sticks.
The pigs ran to the house of bricks, with the wolf close at their heels. 

Where the house of sticks had stood, other wolves built a time-share
condo resort complex for vacationing wolves, with each unit a fibreglass
reconstruction of the house of sticks, as well as native curio shops,
snorkelling and dolphin shows.

At the house of bricks, the wolf again banged on the door and shouted,
"Little pigs, little pigs, let me in!"

This time in response, the pigs sang songs of solidarity and wrote
letters of protest to the United Nations.

By now the wolf was getting angry at the pigs' refusal to see the
situation from the carnivore's point of view. So he huffed and puffed,
and huffed and puffed, then grabbed his chest and fell over dead from a
massive heart attack brought on from eating too many fatty foods.

The three little pigs rejoiced that justice had triumphed and did a
little dance around the corpse of the wolf. 

Their next step was to liberate their homeland. They gathered together a
band of other pigs who had been forced off their lands. This new brigade
of porcinistas attacked the resort complex with machine-guns and rocket
launchers and slaughtered the cruel wolf oppressors, sending a clear
signal to the rest of the hemisphere not to meddle in their internal
affairs. Then the pigs set up a model socialist democracy with free
education, universal health care and affordable housing for everyone.

        Please note: The wolf in this story was a metaphorical
                     construct. No actual wolves were harmed 
                     in the writing of the story.