Toilet memo...

The Loony Bin ( loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk )
Mon, 21 Oct 1996 16:50:01 +0100


Hiya People...

Here's the company policy on trips to the toilet...

Wishes & Dreams...

- ANDREA
        xx

*************<andrea@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk>*************
*****<ajc6@ukc.ac.uk>*****<bloodaxe@geocities.com>*****
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*******************Internet Goddess********************
**********************ANDROMEDA************************

  ------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------

TO ALL EMPLOYEES

04/28/1995

TOILET POLICY

In the past employees were permitted to make trips to the toilet under
informal guidelines.

Effective immediately, a toilet policy will be established to provide a
more consistent method of accounting for each employee's toilet time,
thereby ensuring equal toilet time for all employees.

Under the policy a "TOILET TRIP BANK" will be established for each
employee.  On the first day of each month, employees will be given
twenty toilet trip credits.  These credits may be accumulated.

Within two weeks, the entrance doors to all toilets are to be equipped
with personnel Identification Electronic Stations (PIES) and computer
linked with voice print recognition devices.

Before the end of the month each employee must provide two (2) copies of
his/her voice prints, one normal and one under stress, to the personnel
department.  The voice print recognition stations will be operational
but not restrictive for the rest of the month.  When installed,
employees should acquaint themselves with the stations during this
commissioning period.

If an employee's toilet trip bank balance reaches zero, the doors to the
toilet will not unlock for that employee until the first of the next
month.

In addition, all toilet bowls are being equipped with timed paper roll
retractors.

If the toilet is occupied for more than three (3) minutes, an alarm
sounds, the roll of paper will retract into the dispenser, the toilet
will flush and the toilet door will open.

If the toilet remains occupied, your picture will be taken.

The picture will be posted on the noticeboard.  Anyone whose picture
appears any more than three (3) times will have cause for instant
dismissal.

If you have any questions regarding this policy, please discuss with
your personnel officer.