The Loony Bin
(
loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk
)
Wed, 2 Oct 1996 18:45:50 +0100
Hiya Folks...
Here are some more criminal idiots for you...
Wishes & Dreams...
- ANDREA
xx
*************<andrea@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk>*************
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------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------
We've seen on TV how the good guys always open locked doors so they can
search the premises. They swipe their credit card between the door and
the frame, opening the lock. Works every time, right? Try telling that
to the dumb crook who used that method to burglarize six houses before
his employee ID card broke off and stuck in the seventh door. When
police found it, they noticed it had his photo on the front, and his
thumbprint on the back.
A man was sprinting away from a robbery so fast that he forgot to look
where he was going. As he turned one corner, he ran smack-dab into the
side of a police car, bounced off, and landed on his back. The officers
watched as he picked up the loot before they arrested him.
Police stopped a car (which turned out to be stolen) because it had no
tax sticker. The escaped prisoners inside ran. No matter. They left
their "to do" list. It read: "Buy guns, get Marie, get car...do
robbery, go to New York." A stakeout at a bus terminal proved fruitful.
The list proved conclusive.
A Texas man tried to cash a check at a local Western Union. The check
was made out to a trucking company - Roadway Express. "Are you the
owner, or what?" the man with the check was asked. "No," he said,
"that's my name. My first name is Roadway, and my last name is
Express." To prove it, the man took out a personal photo identification
card showing him to be Mr. Roadway V. Express. The clerk said, "Okay,
Mr. Express. I'll be right back," and went into the other room and
called the police who trucked him down to jail.
Police had more than a good fingerprint to track the thief. They had
his thumb. Seems a Miami crook accidentally shot his thumb off as he
laid a stolen shotgun down.
An arsonist in Manila hid inside a water-filled barrel to protect
himself as he torched the place. The flames and heat were so close to
the barrel, they caused the water to boil. Voila! Poached arsonist.
Two Indiana men tried a new method of advertising their prostitution
business. They had plans to put fliers inside helium balloons and
release them. In their test run, the first balloon came down next to a
police station.
And my favorite this month is the Australian who broke into an impotence
clinic and made off with drugs that can cause a five-day erection. "We
are looking for someone who is very embarrassed or very tired," said
officials.