The Loony Bin
(
loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk
)
Thu, 26 Sep 1996 16:10:33 +0100
Hiya Loonies... Here's a UNIX situation for you... Wishes & Dreams... - ANDREA xx *************<andrea@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk>************* *****<ajc6@ukc.ac.uk>*****<bloodaxe@geocities.com>***** *** *** *** THE LOONY BIN *** *** loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk *** *** Archive: http://eleceng.ukc.ac.uk/~pjw/loonies/ *** *** *** *******************Internet Goddess******************** **********************ANDROMEDA************************ ------- Forwarded foolishness follows ------- A Customer calls a UNIX consultant with a question: Customer : What is the command that will tell me the revision code of a program? UNIX Consultant : Yes, that's correct. Customer : No, what is it ? UNIX Consultant : Yes. Customer : So, which is the one? UNIX Consultant : No. 'which' is used to find the program. Customer : Stop this. Who are you? UNIX Consultant : Use 'who am i' not 'who r yoo'. You can also 'finger yoo' to get information about 'yoo'. Customer : All I want to know is what finds the revision code? UNIX Consultant : Use 'what'. Customer : That's what I am trying to find out. Isn't that true? UNIX Consultant : No. 'true' gives you 0. Customer : Which one? UNIX Consultant : 'true' gives you 0. 'which programname' Customer : Let's get back to my problem. What program? How do I find it? UNIX Consultant : Type 'find / -name it -print' to find 'it'. Type 'what program' to get the revision code. Customer : I want to find the revision code. UNIX Consultant : You can't 'find revisioncode', you must use 'what program'. Customer : Which command will do what I need? UNIX Consultant : No. 'which command' will find 'command'. Customer : I think I understand. Let me write that. UNIX Consultant : You can 'write that' only if 'that' is a user on your system. Customer : Write what? UNIX Consultant : No. 'write that'. 'what program'. Customer : Cut that out! UNIX Consultant : Yes. those are valid files for 'cut'. Don't forget the options. Customer : Do you always do this ? UNIX Consultant : 'du' will give you disk usage. Customer : HELP! UNIX Consultant : 'help' is only used for Source Code Control System SCCS). Customer : You make me angry. UNIX Consultant : No, I don't 'make me' angry but I did 'make programname' when I was upset once. Customer : I don't want to make trouble, so no more. UNIX Consultant : No 'more'? 'which' will help you find 'more'. Every system has 'more'. Customer : Nice help! I'm confused more now! UNIX Consultant : Understand that since 'help' is such a small program, it is better not to 'nice help'. and 'more now' is not allowed but 'at now' is. Unless of course 'now' is a file name. Customer : This is almost as confusing as my PC. UNIX Consultant : I didn't know you needed help with 'pc'. Let me get you to the Pascal compiler team.