Cylons 95...

The Loony Bin ( loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk )
Thu, 19 Sep 1996 16:10:42 +0100


Hiya Loonies...

Here's one for the Galactica fans...

Wishes & Dreams...

- ANDREA
        xx

************<andrea@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk>************
*****<ajc6@ukc.ac.uk>***<bloodaxe@geocities.com>*****
***                                               ***
***                THE LOONY BIN                  ***
***          loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk         ***
***                                               ***
******************Internet Goddess*******************
*********************ANDROMEDA***********************

  ------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------

Lucifer: By Your Command.

Baltar: Speak.

Lucifer: Sir, our lost patrol has returned.  They are acting very
unusual - against their programming.

Baltar: Explain "unusual."

Lucifer: They have something in them called Microsoft Windows 95.  It
has been taking over their internal systems one by one.  It is amazing
they were even able to return.

Baltar: Do you know the cause of the Windows 95?

Lucifer: As near as we can tell, it is from a person called Bill Gates.

Baltar: A person!?!  Must be another one of Adama's tricks!

Lucifer: But, sir.  The patrol did not come from the Galactica.

Baltar: (laughing) Lucifer.  They just made it look that way to confuse
you.  Just fix the centurions.  We won't allow Adama to enjoy himself.

Lucifer: We have tried to remove this from their system, but it seems to
(pause) "refuse" to leave.

Baltar: Lucifer, must I do all your thinking?  Just purge their memory
and reprogram them.  They are only machines.

Lucifer: We did purge them.  Something called a Backup executed itself
and flashed a message "Microsoft Windows 95 Restored."  Even worse, it
has been spreading to other Centurions.

Baltar: This is a serious problem.  Are there any other outward signs?

Lucifer: The centurions do speak strange messages.  "Driver Not Found.
Not enough memory to run application.  GDI Resources Low.  Registary
Failure."  And there are plenty more.  Whatever this is, it uses all of
the available memory in the centurions.  We add more memory and it is
all used. We are unable to even make them stand.

Baltar: We seem to have no choice left but to destory them and build new
ones.  Can you do that, Lucifer?

Lucifer: (lights circling around his head picking up speed)  It seems
not.  The new ones coming off the production say "Violation of Warranty"
instead of "By your command."

Baltar: Hmmmm.  Destory all those affected.  Check all systems.  Make
sure everything is back to as it should be. Only then may you restart
the assembly process.

Lucifer: (smoke starting to come out the sides of his head. Lights
moving at super high speeds) Need more memory.  Not enough resources.
Need more memory.  Driver not found.  Need more memory.  General
Protection Fault.  Need more memory. Share violation.  Need more
memory...... (filling up the command room with smoke)

Baltar: NO!  I'll get you for this Adama if it's the last thing I do.
You'll pay for this!!  You have not heard the last from me!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lucifer: Need more memory.  Invalid command.  Need more memory. File not
found.  Need more memory. System fault. Need more memory. Insert driver
disk.  Need more memory. Register.  Need more memory.  Upgrade.  Need
more memory. Upgrade.  Upgrade.  Nightmare 95. (collapses into useless
heap on the floor)

(Little pink bunny enters room)

Baltar: (screams)

Fade Out