The Loony Bin
(
loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk
)
Wed, 24 Jul 1996 04:44:51 +0100
Hiya Loonies...
Here's a guide to interpreting those teacher reports...
Wishes & Dreams...
- ANDREA
xx
************<andrea@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk>************
******************<ajc6@ukc.ac.uk>*******************
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*** THE LOONY BIN ***
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******************Internet Goddess*******************
*********************ANDROMEDA***********************
------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------
ITS REPORT TIME
Its school report time again. Are you having difficulty determining
exactly what is meant by those phrases written about your Johnny's
progress? Sure, it seems school reports are "packed with platitudes" to
make deciphering impossible, but if you can "crack the code" about your
child, look at what new understanding you can gain:
satisfactory progress ............ I can't think of a single interesting
thing about him
easy going ....................... runs a protection racket
lively ........................... bone idle
good progress .................... If you think his work is bad now,
you should have seen it a year ago.
a sensitive child ................ never stops whining
helpful .......................... creep
reliable ......................... grasses on his mates
adventurous ...................... will break his neck before the year's
out
has difficulty in forming
relationships .................... I can't stand him either
expresses himself confidently .... cheeky little bastard
enjoys all PE activities ......... thug
has had a lot of minor illnesses . truants regularly
friendly ......................... never shuts up
easily distracted ................ hasn't produced a single piece of
good work all year
works better in a small group .... daren't take my eyes off him for a
second
imaginative ...................... lies and cheats regularly
needs praise & encouragement ..... thick as two short planks
expresses himself clearly ........ foul-mouthed
keen to do well .................. egotistical
does not accept authority easily . Dad's doing time
is easily upset .................. spoilt rotten
often appears tired .............. stays up till all hours watching
horror movies or is into glue
sniffing
works better at
practical activities ............. totally illiterate
good with his hands .............. light-fingered
a rather solitary child .......... smells or has nits
independent-minded ............... totally obstinate
determined ....................... completely lacking all scruples
inclined to day-dream ............ in one ear and out the other
a good sense of humour ........... teases other kids unmercifully
a quiet child .................... lacking any individuality whatsoever
easily influenced ................ the form fall-guy
popular at the Play Centre ....... sells pornography
a vivid imagination .............. never short of an excuse
a very inquisitive mind .......... often caught playing Doctors & Nurses
does not give classes
his full attention ............... smokes in the lavatories
often needs guidance ............. never out of the Principal's office