If Jesus Was Born Today...

The Loony Bin ( loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk )
Tue, 18 Jun 1996 08:02:20 +0100


Hiya Folks...

Here's little tale of how it might have been if Jesus was born
today...and how true it is...

Wishes & Dreams...

- ANDREA
        xx

************<andrea@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk>************
******************<ajc6@ukc.ac.uk>*******************
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***                THE LOONY BIN                  ***
***          loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk         ***
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******************Internet Goddess*******************
*********************ANDROMEDA***********************

  ------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------


If Jesus was born today:

Child Advocates would remove the child from the custody of his mother
when they discovered she was shacking with a guy (not the child's
father) in a barn.   In most jurisdictions that would constitute child
neglect.

Of course, Mary would have an underpaid court appointed attorney to
represent her in the dependent-neglect proceeding, and Joseph would be
out of luck once it was determined that paternity could not be
established within a reasonable degree of medical certainty through
blood or DNA testing. (97% probability that Joe was the dad is
sufficient, but absent divine intervention, that couldn't happen, hmmm?)

He would be excluded from juvenile court as a stranger to the proceeding
and investigated for possible sexual deviance (all those oxen and asses
around), and he would be told that he had no standing to object since he
was not the natural father of the child and was not yet married to Mary
(by their own admissions they had not yet consummated their union).

The Division of Children and Family Services would ask the court to
order Mary to take parenting classes, and the Court would order that
homemaker services be provided as well, since obviously Mary can't keep
house properly (the place where the DHS workers found the child was kept
remarkably like a barn).  

Mary would be allowed to have one visit with Jesus per week at the
Centers for Youth and Families.  The visit would be one hour long, and
supervised by a therapist since Jesus would no doubt be put in
therapeutic foster care to prevent psychological damage resulting from
the horrible lack of civilization to which he had been exposed at such a
tender age.

At the eighteen month dispositional hearing, the court would consider
terminating parental rights because of Mary's refusal to bring a
paternity suit against Jesus' true biological father (or even to
identify him to the satisfaction of the Court). 

The Court would be appalled at the life choices
Mary would have made: she would have completed her marriage to Joseph
(that suspected sexual deviant) and had more children by him, which was
obviously contrary to Jesus' best interest.  

Since Mary and Joseph had fled their jurisdiction with Jesus once to
escape encounters with the authorities, they would determine that Mary
and Joe had nefarious plans to abscond with the Ward of the State to
Egypt again, where they would possibly engage in dangerous and illegal
activities with him.  Parental rights would be terminated, and Jesus
would be put up for adoption.

He would be adopted by the Herods, a well-connected and politically
powerful family, who have been searching for just such a child as Jesus.
Of course, Jesus will die in the custody of his adoptive family, because
that's all they wanted him for in the first place.  

Social services will NOT have intervened prior to his death because the
state social workers could never imagine someone as highly placed as the
Herods exploiting children or torturing them to death.  The political
ramifications for the Herods would have been too severe.  In all
likelihood, the social service agencies would cover up the death as one
occurring from accident, and Herod's good name will be preserved.

The Pope will be out of work, and pagan deities will dance on the head
of a pin.