Computer Puns...

The Loony Bin ( loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk )
Tue, 11 Jun 1996 08:17:14 +0100


Hiya People...

A tale full of puns for you...

Wishes & Dreams...

- ANDREA
        xx

************<andrea@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk>************
******************<ajc6@ukc.ac.uk>*******************
***                                               ***
***                THE LOONY BIN                  ***
***          loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk         ***
***                                               ***
******************Internet Goddess*******************
*********************ANDROMEDA***********************

  ------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------

It was your BASIC day in the land of pixel.  From my graphics window I
could see a low-resolution cursor high in the wrap-around sky.  But my
workspace stack had overflowed and there were no buffers available.  You
know the subroutine.

Besides, my motherboard had deleted this PC-junior and wanted to boot me
out.

I needed to ESCape from my dataBase.  So I packed some line feed, an
Apple, and a switchbox of serial ports and my mouse and I took my
*car*tridge -- my only modem of transportation -- for a disk drive
around the data block.  We were up to 1900 baud when I had to swerve to
avoid hitting a bus.  I lost CONTROL and crashed.

We RAMed into a type mismatch.  I PEEKed and POKED under the interface,
but my search engine had a fatal system error.  I had backspaced over
all memory of what had happened earlier that data.  There was no RETURN
and no way to save the game.

That's when I saw the foot printouts that I TRACEd to the highest
resolution shape table I had set my I/O's on.  She was a hand-held
laptop model, softwearing a polka dot-matrix spreadsheet that displayed
her scanlines.  And I didn't need 3D glasses to get a load of her floppy
disks.

"I'll byte," I thought.  "I'd love to run her program."

So I picked her some daisy wheels and entered, "I'm chip.  What's your
filename?"

"They call me MS DOS." was her output.  "I'm user-friendly, and my
address space is in the directory."

Well, we accessed each other's files.  She was showing me her periferals
when she told me she belonged to a user group.

"Hey, Amiga," I said."  "Stand by.  I don't want any computer virus.  It
could be terminal."

So I exited that playfield, because she was an 8-bit floozy with
artificial intelligence.  Not my ... uhm, type.

So once again I was left to stand alone.  A lost file in a
re-dimensioned array.

If your program is full of bugs, if you have too many ifs without thens,
store this data:  Just press RESET.