The Loony Bin
(
loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk
)
Wed, 5 Jun 1996 08:34:30 +0100
Hiya Folks...
It's Trek humour time again...and in yet another scene we wish they had
made, it's time once again to assault that irritating Ensign...
Wishes & Dreams...
- ANDREA
xx
************<andrea@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk>************
******************<ajc6@ukc.ac.uk>*******************
*** ***
*** THE LOONY BIN ***
*** loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk ***
*** ***
******************Internet Goddess*******************
*********************ANDROMEDA***********************
------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------
LaForge: There you are Ensign Davies. I've been looking
for you. Is your com-badge working?
Ensign Davies: Uhhh... (hurriedly attempting to replace an
access panel, he drops it) Sh.. Sorry Sir! Just
recalibrating the holodeck projectors...
LaForge: Why? They were checked two days ago. They were
fine. (LaForge peers into the open panel which
contains the holodeck computer) Why! You've
disabled the holodeck safeties! What are you
doing?
Ensign Davies: I can explain Sir! I was just trying...
LaForge: (interrupts Davies) Just trying to hurt someone?
Computer, activate holodeck safeties, tell me who
is currently inside this holodeck and what program
they are running.
Computer: Safeties activated. Acting Ensign Wesley Crusher
is inside the holodeck. He is running a program
based upon tales of Robin Hood and his Merry Men.
LaForge: No wonder. (bends to pick up the panel and hands
it to Davies)
Ensign Davies: (taking the panel) I said I could explain Sir.
LaForge: No need to explain Ensign. But disabling the
safeties won't work very well. And why let the
Sheriff of Nottingham have all of the fun. Watch
and learn Ensign. (takes a small instrument from
his pocket and probes inside the opened access
panel) If you cross-circuit here... and here.
That should do it.
Ensign Davies: What will that do Sir?
LaForge: It sets some program status flags. Specifically
the adult and private flags. So it won't be
logged. It also disables the safeties and messes
up the timer. Now watch. Computer, add words to
program plot. Homosexual. Submissive. Gang rape.
Four hours. Activate program changes now.
Ensign Davies: (mute, wide eyed, he just stands holding the panel
and gapes at LaForge)
LaForge: Just one more thing. (probes inside again)
There. Now the computer seems to have developed a
memory glitch. Damned annoying those glitches.
Just like a certain Acting Ensign. The computer
won't remember and he'll never forget. Now put
that panel back and be sure to wipe it off.
(walks away chuckling, then mutters to himself)
When I tell Worf he'll wish he was a Merry Man.
(chuckles again)