The Loony Bin
(
loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk
)
Tue, 4 Jun 1996 11:31:22 +0100
Hiya Folks... Here's a bit of a novelty... Wishes & Dreams... - ANDREA xx ************<andrea@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk>************ ******************<ajc6@ukc.ac.uk>******************* *** *** *** THE LOONY BIN *** *** loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk *** *** *** ******************Internet Goddess******************* *********************ANDROMEDA*********************** ------- Forwarded foolishness follows ------- To My Dear Wife, During the past year, I have tried to make love to you 365 times. I have succeeded 12 times. The following list is why I didn't succeed often. The sheets are clean...............54 times It is too late.....................17 times Too tired from shopping all day....49 times It is too early....................20 times It is too hot......................15 times Pretending to be asleep............15 times The neighbours will hear us.........3 times Headache...........................22 times Sunburn.............................7 times Your Mother will hear us............9 times Not in the mood....................43 times You will wake the baby.............17 times Watching the late show..............6 times New Hairdo..........................5 times Too sore...........................16 times Wrong time of the month............36 times Have to get up early...............19 times Of the 12 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory because 2 times you just lay there, 4 times you reminded me that there was a crack in the ceiling, 3 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with, 2 times I had to wake you up to tell you that I had finished, and once I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move. ______________________________________________________________________ To My Dear Husband, I think that you have gotten things a little confused. Here are the real reasons you did not get it more often than you did. Came home drunk and tried to fuck the cat.........15 times Did not come home at all..........................36 times Did not come......................................21 times Came too soon.....................................33 times Went soft before you got it in....................33 times Toes cramped......................................10 times Working too late..................................38 times Have to get up early to play golf.................29 times Had a fight and someone kicked you in the balls....2 times Caught Herman in your zipper.......................4 times Caught a cold and your nose kept running...........3 times Burned your tongue on hot coffee...................3 times You had a splinter in your finger..................2 times Came in your PJ's while reading a dirty book......16 times Watching football on TV...........................98 times Hemorrhoids flared up.............................10 times Of the times we did get together, the reason I laid still was because you were fucking the sheets. I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling. What I said was, would you prefer me on my back or kneeling. The time you felt me move was because you farted, and I was trying to breathe!!