The Loony Bin
(
loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk
)
Tue, 21 May 1996 10:41:00 +0100
Hiya People... Following our recent announcement of the discovery of computerscientistium, and true to our tradition of bringing you the latest in scientific achievement, here is the latest news on a new element... Wishes & Dreams... - ANDREA xx ************<andrea@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk>************ ******************<ajc6@ukc.ac.uk>******************* *** *** *** THE LOONY BIN *** *** loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk *** *** *** ******************Internet Goddess******************* *********************ANDROMEDA*********************** ------- Forwarded foolishness follows ------- Albert Einstein College of Medicine of Yeshiva University Workplace Hazardous Materials Information System Material Safety Data Sheet Woman - A Chemical Hazard Element: Woman Symbol: Wo Discovered: Adam. Datum Undetermined Atomic Mass: Accepted as 118lbs but known to vary from 100 to 550lbs Occurance: Copious quantities in all urban areas Physical properties 1. Surfaces usually covered with painted film 2. Boils at nothing. Freezes without reason. 3. Melts if given special treatment 4. Found in various states from virgin metal to common ore Chemical properties 1. Has a great affinity for Gold, Silver, Platinum and precious stones 2. Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances 3. May explode spontaneously without prior warning and for no known reason 4. Insoluble in liquids but activity greatly increases by saturation with alcohol 5. MOST POWERFUL MONEY REDUCING AGENT KNOWN TO MAN Common Uses 1. Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars 2. Can be a great aid to relaxation Tests: 1. Pure specimen turns pink when discovered in the natural state 2. Turns green when placed beside a better specimen Hazards: 1. Highly dangerous except in experienced hands 2. Illegal to posess more than one, although desireable