From the Einstein Diaries...

The Loony Bin ( )
Fri, 3 May 1996 19:57:28 +0100

Hiya Folks...

Here's a bit of something from Rob...

Wishes & Dreams...


ps...Re: the disclaimer - For those who know him, don't all think of Ced
at once, it might create a psychic resonance...:-)
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***                THE LOONY BIN                  ***
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******************Internet Goddess*******************

  ------- Forwarded message follows -------

[Disclaimer: It really did say Belgium in the original, I had nothing to
do with the wording! R.]

    The Einstein diaries.
(Reproduced here w/o permission from Nexus news)

March 7th 1905
Am continuing work on my Special and General Theories of Relativity;
also my investigations into the coffee machine at the Patent office.
Late for work again today.

March 9th 1905
Late again. Why am I always short of time? Perhaps I should travel
faster. Must stop using the Northern line.

March 10th 1905
This morning, I was thrown out of the Hotel Europa in Zurich for
spending all day travelling up and down in the lifts. Will my General
Theory never be ready? Also, coffee machines ran out of whitener.

March 11th 1905
Had my photo taken in one of those little booths at Berne Zentral
Station today. I was trying a Gedankenexperiment whereby a body can be
held in front of a camera, and yet the image bears no resemblance. Alas,
I stuck my tongue out at the precise moment of the flash. This is
becoming a habit with me now... Great coffee and torte in the buffet.

March 17th 1905
Delightful afternoon - friends over for afternoon coffee. Lorentz was
late, as usual, whilst Eddington arrived on time, but at the wrong
place. To my suprise, Michealson and Morley came exactly on time.
Minkowsky, of course, was absolutely late, claiming that it was
impossible for him to be absolutely early, and that he'd nearly got
trapped in the Absolute Elsewhere, which sounds a bit like Belgium.

April 3rd 1905
Progress is slow. The coffee granules always condense on cooling. Bose
has suggested that I should stir (or spin) the coffee twice or three
times first.

May 13th 1905
Incident at the station again today! During my investigations, I
discover that when I flash a torch into the driver's eyes, I breach
certain local laws. Although I explain that simultaneity is illusory, I
still receive a point source impact to my nose. So there must be some
physical reality to events. particularly as my nosebleed appears to have
found a continuum. In future I shall stick to Gedankenexperiments.

April 17th 1905
Late again. Decided to divide everything by 1/(1-v^2/c^2)^(1/2) It looks
kind of convincing. I wonder if I can apply the same law to my Patent
Office wages? Only if I work faster, I suppose. Or have shorter coffee-

July 28th 1905
Lorentz has made an exciting discovery! He calls it "Lorentz
Contraction". Although it is difficult to understand, the essence of it
seems to be that from now on, he wishes to be known as Lorenz.

July 29th 1905
Disaster! The real Lorenz is now furious with Lorentz for causing name 
uncertainty. He is worried that people will think that they are the same 
physicist. I shall call this the Twin Paradox. Von Laue suggested that 
Lorenz might change his name to Pauli, and then Pauli could drop the "i" 
from his name, to become Paul. (Note - check this with Dirac). I find
that all this adding and subtracting "i"s is a bit complex.

July 30th 1905
Pauli's spare "i" accidentally fell on my interval equation today:
If X4 = ict then  S^2 = Delta(X1^2) + Delta (X2^2) + Delta (X3^2) +
Delta (X4^2) Interesting ...

September 4th 1905
Decision! Have decided to abandon Coffee Machine Theory. I cannot unify
the strong, weak and milky forces. Yet I must publish something soon!
What about the E=mc^2 nonsense? That'll keep them guessing for a bit.

December 11th 1905
My Relativity Theory is a triumph. Fame at last. Have decided to grow my
hair long - this will look great in photographs.