The Loony Bin
(
loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk
)
Sun, 14 Apr 1996 00:17:58 +0100
Hiya folks...
Here's one from all the girls in my office...
Wishes & Dreams...
- ANDREA
xx
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************<andrea@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk>************
******************<ajc6@ukc.ac.uk>*******************
*** ***
*** THE LOONY BIN ***
*** loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk ***
*** ***
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**********************ANDROMEDA**********************
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A GUIDE TO EMPLOYEE PERFORMANCE APPRAISALS
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ABILITY
^^^^^^^
FAR EXCEEDS JOB REQUIREMENTS:
Leaps over buildings with a single bound.
EXCEEDS JOB REQUIREMENTS:
Leaps over tall buildings after a running start.
MEETS JOB REQUIREMENTS:
Can only leap over buildings without spires.
NEEDS SOME IMPROVEMENT:
Crashes into buildings when attempting to jump.
BELOW MINIMUM REQUIREMENTS:
Cannot recognise buildings - much less jump them.
SPEED
^^^^^
FAR EXCEEDS JOB REQUIREMENTS:
Faster than light.
EXCEEDS JOB REQUIREMENTS:
Faster than a bullet.
MEETS JOB REQUIREMENTS:
As fast as a bullet.
NEEDS SOME IMPROVEMENT:
Would you believe a slow bullet?
BELOW MINIMUM REQUIREMENTS:
Wounds self with bullet when attempting to shoot.
PERSEVERANCE
^^^^^^^^^^^^
FAR EXCEEDS JOB REQUIREMENTS:
Stronger than an elephant.
EXCEEDS JOB REQUIREMENTS:
Stronger than a bull.
MEETS JOB REQUIREMENTS:
As strong as a bull.
NEEDS SOME IMPROVEMENT:
Thinks like a bull.
BELOW MINIMUM REQUIREMENTS:
Smells like a bull.
RESOURCEFULNESS
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
FAR EXCEEDS JOB REQUIREMENTS:
Walks on water constantly.
EXCEEDS JOB REQUIREMENTS:
Walks on water occasionally.
MEETS JOB REQUIREMENTS:
Washes with water.
NEEDS SOME IMPROVEMENT:
Drinks water.
BELOW MINIMUM REQUIREMENTS:
Passes water in emergencies.
COMMUNICATION
^^^^^^^^^^^^^
FAR EXCEEDS JOB REQUIREMENTS:
Talks with God.
EXCEEDS JOB REQUIREMENTS:
Talks with angels.
MEETS JOB REQUIREMENTS:
Talks with himself.
NEEDS SOME IMPROVEMENT:
Argues with himself.
BELOW MINIMUM REQUIREMENTS:
Loses arguments with himself.