Re: Trekkeur... eat your heart out....

K.H.Wilson ( khw@ukc.ac.uk )
Fri, 10 Jun 1994 12:02:12 +0100


>The following material has been may have been altered by:
>        (1) removing header and trailer (.sigs)
>        (2) fitting it in 72 columns
>        (3) correcting obvious spelling mistakes
>        (4) removing page feeds
>        Chuan K. Chee
>
>-----------------------------------------------------------------------
>This parody appeared back in October 1987.  At the point it was
>originally written, I had only seen the first two episodes.  By the
>time this parody was finished, I had seen the first three episodes.
>Although there are some references to future episodes in the season,
>remember that this parody uses things that were talked about on the
>net at that time.  After the first two episodes, people said that the
>season wouldn't last the whole season, so I started numbering my
>parodies, starting at 19...enjoy!
>
>
>                   Star Trek:  The Next Generation
>
>                     Episode XIX:  Peace Restored
>
>
>Scene 1:
>
>Picard:  Captain's log, supple...
>
>Troi:  Pain!  Oh the pain!!
>
Picard:                    ...mental.  Troi has been yelling too long now.
>     After 18 episodes she has not changed.  Neither has that obnoxious kid
>     Wesley.  We were on route to Starbase ten (or was it one?) but instead,
>     I've ordered Geordi to bring us around the sun and try the slingshot
>     effect, to bring us back in time.  My purpose:  To finally rid ourselves
>     of Troi and the kid.
>
>Wesley:  [floating over Picard and tickling his bald head with a feather]
>     Up here baldy!
>
>Picard:  Wes!  How many times must you be told to stay off the bridge!!
>
>Wesley:  But I am technically not "on" the bridge!  I invented this device
>     which I like to call the Wesley Lifter, which makes me capable of
>     levitating *over* the bridge.  How's the air down there Pic?
>
>Worf: Captain, permission to fry his brains with a disrupter?
>
>Picard:  Easy Worf, he'll get his soon enough.
>
>Yar:  Saucer seperation complete, sir.
>
>Picard:  I thought I had asked Data to do that.
>
>Yar:  Well, Data is kind of tired after last night's...err...activities.
>
>Wes:  [To Picard] Hey, speaking of which, have you done my mom yet?  She
>     really wants you badly!  Though I really don't see what she sees in
>     you.  Bald and all.  I could invent a pill which would cure your
>     baldness.
>
>Picard:  Engage stardrive warp engines.  Maneuver:  slingshot 48.
>
>Geordi:  Engaged.
>
>Troi:  The pain!!
>
>==========================================================================
>
>Scene 2:
>
>[Aboard a familiar Constitution Class Enterprise]
>
>Spock:  I am picking up an energy boost from the Kappa-Sol region, Captain.
>
>
>
>Kirk:  On viewer.  [After studying it for a few seconds]  It looks like an
>     duck.  Analysis Mr. Spock.
>
>Spock:  Well, Captain, it is Federation vessel, USS Enterprise, NCC 1701-D.
>     Approximately five times our size.  However, we have no record of it
>     ever being constructed.
>
>Kirk:  My god!  But where is the bridge?
>
>McCoy:  [Entering bridge through turbo-lift]  Dammit Jim, I'm a...[suddenly
>     noticing view screen] ...what's that?
>
>Spock:  If they do have a saucer section, they could well be eight times
>     our size.
>
>Kirk:  Open hailing frequencies...[Uhura does and nods to Kirk]  'This is
>     Captain James T. Kirk of the USS Enterprise.  Identify yourselves.
>
>Picard:  [Speaking as he appears on the viewscreen]  This is Federation Galaxy
>     Starship Enterprise Captain Jean-Luc Picard.  We need your help.
>
>Kirk:  How may be help?
>
>Picard:  We first have a couple of people we'd like to to keep...er I mean
>     meet.
>
>Kirk:  Sure, we will prepare to beam them [A flash of light, as Troi and Wes
>     materialize on the bridge] ...aboard!?
>
>Troi:  Oh!  The pain!!
>
>McCoy:  [Aside to Troi]  I don't blame you!  I don't like my molecules
>     scrambled either!
>
>Chekov:  Captain!  The other wessel has just warped out of our galaxy at
>     maximum warp!
>
>Wes:  [Looking about the bridge]  Oh how primitive!
>
>Troi:  Ohhhhh!
>
>McCoy:  That really does sound bad. Hmmm...[Nurse Chapel enters bridge
>     through the turbolift doors]  Nurse Chapel will escort you to sickbay.
>
>Troi:  Mom!!!!
>
>Kirk:  Mom?
>
>McCoy:  Mom?
>
>Chapel:  Mom!?
>
>[Everyone else on bridge replies in shock, "Mom?"]
>
>McCoy:  [Aside to Nurse Chapel]  Ya better strap her down.
>
>========================================================================
>
>Scene 3:
>
>Ryker:  I kinda feel bad about tricking Wes and especially Troi that way.
>     She may of been annoying, but she was great in bed.
>
>Data:  I agree.
>
>Yar:  Data!!
>
>Data:  No, no.  I-I mean agree that it was bad to trick Troi and Wesley
>     like that.
>
>Picard:  I know you might feel bad now, but it had to be done.  Its okay
>     now though.  Things are already starting to look up.  Ahead warp one
>     to starbase..er..one.  (...or was it starbase 10??)  If you need me,
>     Bev and I are celebrating tonight in her quarters.
>
>===================
>
>To be continued....
>
>===================
>
>
>This episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation, has been created, thanks
>to the following older episodes:
>
>Trek Classic (old series)            Diet Trek (cartoons) {Same old ST
>=========================            ====================   with a little
>Charlie X                            Yesteryear             less Trek than
>The Squire of Gothos                                                 usual}
>Tomorrow is Yesterday
>The City on the Edge of Forever
>Assignment:  Earth
>The Changeling
>The Empath
>And the Children Shall Lead
>
>                     Cherry Trek (Movies) {Trek with a little extra}
>                     ====================
>                     ST:  The Motion Picture
>                     ST IV:  The Voyage Home